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Summary of Question:	Re: Spirtualism Vs Education
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Sunday, 11/27/2005 10:04 AM MST

sat sri akal.

First of all, thank you for taking the time to answer my question. I really really appreciate it.

My problem is that BOTH education and spirtualism are important. I can't live w/o one. I am a person who wants to feel good about my self. I want to feel like I have accomplished something in my life, as we all to actually. I want to feel like I, too, can become a doctor or an engineer like many others do even though I will have to struggle far more than a average human being. Education does not come easy for me you see. But status, honor etc are important. I want to feel that I have gotten something out of spending so much time studying. Call me competitive if you wish but I actually want to be someone big, not someone who has a so-so job. On top of this, the soceity and my friends, parents are counting on me succeedding. They can not see me otherwise. But they know little about how much I have to struggle.

But spirtualism is also a very very important part of my life. I want to feel different. I dont want to sink in duality. I want to feel Waheguru in all aspects of my life. I really really want him to within my mind 24/7. I really really want to connect to him and accomplish the goal of being here on earth. Eventually, some day, I want to take amrit. But before this, I have to be connected to him. I have to develope a relationship with Him. I think I am starting to but its still not as strong. I try to get up in the morning to do simran but I just cant. I dont know why but I am guessing that this is His will. I will have to accept it. I want to be everything a true Sikh should be but I just cant meet all of the requirements. To be short, I want to be a Gurmukh. Whether this will happen is up to Him but I dont want to quit loving God and I dont want to sink in duality.

All of my dreams of getting a good job that I can be proud of will only be possible if I have His support. Sometime I shake a little on my trust in Him, which is very very bad. I want to do good but I dont want to lose Him as a result of say doing bad in education. But I dont know if I will be strong enough to live through the loss of not getting an good job or not being connected to Him 24/7. I force my self into not letting my mind go in anyother direction other than education and religion. I am constantly working or listeneing to shabads or something that is related to the two. I have no other life actually, other than the times which I have to bc of family etc. If I start listeneing to other music, or start doing other things I feel guilty. I dont know why but I do.

So this is the dillema. Both are very very very important. How do I balance the two?

Again, thank you sooooooo much for your time and help!!
sat sri akal.

---reply

I have a difficult time studying as well. What helped me was to get professional help in how to study better, how to manage my time better, how to train myself in memorization. You write good English, so I am assuming that you live in a Western country where such services are available. You may have a learning disability. With professional help, you can identify what your disability is and how to compensate for it.

As far as your spiritual growth and practice, it takes discipline. Start with something simple that you like and do it every day. It doesn't have to be long or complicated. Reciting Japji balances the brain, so that might be a really good one for you.

I hope this was helpful. GTKK