Yogi Bhajan Lecture Archive
Lecture by :
Siri Singh Sahib Bhai Sahib Harbhajan Singh Khalsa Yogi Ji
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Lecture on: 07/16/1987
Category: KWTC
Location: Unknown

On Man

Man by nature is in self-conflict. He is the authority because he represents the Sun; he is not the authority because he is not sure he is the Sun! So there is a little son, and there is a big man conflicting all the time together, and you ladies become victims of it. If that little boy may be given a lollipop, and the big man given good food, you will avoid eighty percent of your trouble. But if you do not know how to nurture the man, don’t touch him with a nine-foot pole.

One law you must learn as a woman. Even if you want to express your anger, and your frustration, and you are disgusted with a situation, do it very graciously. An angry woman has no place in the world of man. Do you understand that? Because the moment you become angry, he becomes insecure. It is automatic. You don’t have to ask for it. Moment he becomes insecure, he is going to exert his territory. The war is going to begin. There is nothing you can do about it. Loud speaking, rude speaking, angry jokes, black humor, they do not belong to the man’s world. Avoid them. You need sophisticated, self-contained self to deal with your most beloved man or the man you hate the most. It doesn’t matter. You shall win. And all you want is to win. Is there anybody who wants to lose in their life? None. You all want to win.

And the best way to win is how you talk. It is called AC: Alternative Current, or Art of Communication.

Abaa(n) sheeree mulak geeree
If you can have sweet language you can totally territorialize the whole world as yours.
Nanak tekeaa boleeaa, dhan man tekaaho
Nanak says, “Speaking tasteless you make your body and mind tasteless.”

So communication is your art. It is your shield. It is your protection from the penetrating zigzag. You don’t have to worry. And if sometimes he says, “Oh my God, I am horrible.” You should say, “I am with you.”

Don’t ask him, “Why are you horrible?” You are asking for a problem, and you will end up with the blues. Don’t do that. When a man says, “I am horrible. I am miserable. I am this. I am that.” Just tell him you are with him. It is his subconscious release. He needs the conscious support. Match it, he is yours. Don’t match it, you have lost him right there. He is not going to look at your jewelry, or your make-up, or your hairdo. If you think that your value is only your beauty and your intelligence and your intellect and not your practical wisdom, man will not love you; it doesn’t matter how much he’s madly in love. Period.

So basically the wisdom in you as the woman will count ultimately on who you are, not what you look like, how you think, how much you can manipulate, how you can get around, what you can perform and what you can’t perform. So don’t start on the wrong foot. You understand the sad story? Now you are asking me, “Why is it about a woman? Why not about a man?” Let us be factual. Man by nature is impotent. By nature. He’s not sexually stimulated all the time. Have you seen any man who is? No. They are not. They have to become stimulated. It means they have to motivate themselves.

Man has a great problem. That’s why by nature he has a penis and you have a vagina. You understand this? He penetrates. He goes in, and you receive him. Correct? That’s the act of nature. I didn’t make it. Don’t blame me for that. So man is always going to penetrate into the nature, into the woman. You move by nature. You wane and wax by nature. He’s “yes” and “no.” There’s nothing in-between.

When a man wants to talk to you, at that time you can wear anything and you can talk anything. But he will like to go in you and find out what is in you. Who are you. When a man says, “I want to talk to you,” he is asking you to explain to him who are you. If you are very wise, don’t postpone it. If you are not prepared, feed him, then talk to him. And if you absolutely want to win, feed him, entertain him, and afterwards say, “My love, you wanted to talk to me. What was that?”

He’ll say, “Oh I forgot it.” Normally he’ll say that because there is nothing to talk about. All he wants is to go in and find out you alive for him. He does not want to find out you are alive for yourself.

There is one misunderstanding which every woman has. They think they are complete. No. They are complete plus. And that is what man wants. Not you. He doesn’t want you. He wants your plus. That is what he boasts about. That is what he lives off of and that’s what he wants.

It looks like a very macho thing. No, it is not. When he was born out of spermatozoa and he was a baby, you turned your blood into milk and you fed him. He never forgets it. That’s nurturing. That pacifier, that breast, man never lets go of it. Whosoever provides him will have him. And that pacifier, that breast has to be mental, intellectual and conscious. Name it any way, form and shape, doesn’t matter what. You give a child a wooden toy, plastic toy, golden toy, real toy. Child wants a toy, right?

Remember man’s world is a man’s world, ladies, and it can never become a woman’s world. He is a liar number one, and totally a misfit to tell you that he loves you. His love is that he wants to go. He wants to be. He wants to experience. And he is handicapped. He cannot produce. You can. And that is where you goof. That’s where your problem is. You try to become equal. Sometimes you become a tomboy. Really. You dress like that. Who wants you? You think by work you can win? No. Look ladies, you have tried every aspect of life, you cannot win a man. You nurture him, he will never go. Don’t put an ego into an ego. Just nurse him and nurture him. You did it when he was born. Now he is married to you, do the same. When he is dying he needs the same thing. That is his basic need.

It is called subconscious cavity. It exists in every man. It can never change. Are you willing to need him and feed him? Do it, do a good job and he’ll see you are in love with him. Do a rough job and he’ll say, “Well, I can bear it.” Don’t do it, he’ll freak out. That’s the hard truth. It is called unseen reality. Do you like it? No, you don’t. You are not going to like what I am going to tell you. But this is a hard core reality. It can never change. He needs your blood turned into milk. And he needs nourishment every three hours.

How many get telephone calls every three hours from their husbands? None? Don’t you all get it? There must be something wrong somewhere. All right. How many people get a call once a day? What, what are the calls about? Can you just let me know?

“What was in the mail?”
“I’ll be home for lunch.”
“He wants to know where something is.”
“He wants to say hello.”
“What are you doing?”
“What’s up?”

YB: What is up? You know? That’s a little baby wanting to know if everything is secure or not. Whatever the excuse is, don’t worry about the excuse. Excuses can be very flowery or very direct or very rough. But all he is asking is, “What is up?” It is because he is down. When he’s up, he doesn’t care if you are down or up. You understand that?


YB: If you want I can give you more examples, but that is called man. Impulsive, reactive, and territorial. It is his basic nature. It is his zigzag. This he learned not from you, not from the neighbors. He learned it from spermatozoa. That’s he. It is his spermatozoa zigzag.

You are circle. You are complete. He has to penetrate. He wants his territory. He’s always afraid if he is loved as a man, if he is liked as a man, if he is understood as a man, does he command? So he will do something most weird, superfluous, and neurotic to just temporarily mark his territory, and you women freak out. But just remember it is temporary, then it’s all cool. But if you think it is permanent, “Oh, he did it Friday, he’s gonna do it Wednesday, he’s gonna…” Have you seen a bear when he comes out of hibernation? What does he do? He stands before the tree and claws it and pees on it. And it is called bear hug. That’s what bear hug is. Not the bear hugging you.

Men, no matter how much they love you, how much they talk to you, how much they need you, how much they depend on you, they have their own territory. And that is the spermatozoa. Millions of them hassle with each other, wanting to reach the egg. Only one makes it. All don’t. But they are not straight. Spermatozoa never walk straight.

It is that little snake in all of us which made Adam to eat that apple. That Eve and Adam story is nothing but a story of spermatozoa and egg. The story of Adam and Eve never happened. If it would have happened, we would have found the ruins of the Garden of Eden! But it is a story being told for a reason. They were all living happily until the snake (the zigzag) told Eve to make Adam eat the apple. Moment they hugged and kissed and got together they had a child. Then they were responsible. They started having needs and you all know then it starts, that’s all it is about. And that story looks to you very divine. To me it looks like a well explained theory. What was the snake? Zigzag. What did the apple represent? The apple represents life.

I want to get you to understand in your life it is you and you alone that is important. You are a universal and infinite container of nurturing. And that is very important. That is your real faculty and quality. If it is added by a little bit of beauty, etiquette, good clothes, social manners, and personal accountancy coming through, and all that, that’s good. You can add as much as you like, but the base is you.

You always want him to eat the apple. It will never stop. He will always blame you for feeding him the apple, because you listened to the snake and not to him. Therefore, by virtue of that basic quality, his seed quality, his sex quality, his creative quality is different than him. He blames you. You listened to the snake, and you fed him an apple. If you would have fed him direct, you would have been alright. Man always blames you. When a man blames you, in reality he claims you because he needs that nurturing response. “You are listening to the snake, not me.” You give him an apple, he’ll shut up. Isn’t it a simple theory in the Bible? Have you heard those men who say, “Who told you? Where did you get this idea? What are you doing home? Did somebody talk to you at work? Where are you going? What?” All this he is asking is to draw your attention. Pay the attention, and he’s off your back.

Problem is our subconscious conflict. We have our inner conflict and our outer conflict. Our inner conflict arises out of what we have not gotten from our father and mother. And then we subject the man we love the most, the husband or the boyfriend, to that and we expect that man to come through. He has no sequence towards that. He wants his life. It is not that he can’t do it. He doesn’t know about it.

You do not say to him, “Alright, my father was a lemon, therefore you should be strong.” You can’t say this: “My mother used to nag my father everyday, so I want you to understand, I’m going to nag you to see how it feels.” You can’t say those things confrontingly like, “Yeah, my mother used to ride my father like a donkey and he used to carry the load. What about you?” You can’t do that. You can’t.

Normally, these conflicts are there, and you need their resolution in life, and you want to get that resolution from the man you love the most. Okay. Every woman in her life has a pattern called “mother pattern.” One way or the other. And if she doesn’t have the mother pattern, then she just has a totally defensive pattern that’s totally opposite to what the mother was. That’s why removing your subconscious conflict is very essential. You have to understand so long as you are being roughed up by conscious and subconscious conflict and you have your own conflict and your own neurosis, your own whole thing going on inside you, how can you face the outside world? I definitely agree you are miserable. You are overpowered. You are overworked. You are down trodden. You are not considered. You are a doormat. You have to do laundry. You have to press this and that. This all is because inside conflict is never free. You are not free of your inside conflict. You are divided inside, that is why the outside exploits you.

Look at me. It has taken me how many years? Eight, nine, ten years to bring you to that stage that you can believe it even. That you are willing to listen to me, even. I know your problem. I have the solution. You have to do it. You talk. Chit-chat. You reason. You get insecure. For nothing. Some of the time for something but majority of the time for nothing. Because you have that inner conflict. You don’t have to answer to it. Now either answer that inner conflict and be a woman and go through the mess of it, or dissolve it so inside there is harmony, outside you can create it. That’s the secret of success of every woman.

What you are trying to do is, you are trying to have a family life and you’re trying to live a happy life and you’re trying to have a harmony but you can’t have it because you are subconsciously vindicating your subconscious release. If you look into your own subconscious, you’re going to find out all the things you have done because of this. I’m asking you to correct yourself. That will make you successful, realistic, and you will have a love life. You will have a happy life and you will have a support in life. These things you will have.
1987 YB Teachings, LLC
Above Article Copyright Yogi Bhajan 2002. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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