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Summary of Question:	How Do I Help A Friend
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Saturday, 6/04/2005 10:52 AM MDT

Sat"kal

Hi, This is not the first time I have been resorting to this forum for assistance. The suggestions that I have been receiving from your side have been excellent and absolutely practical and have always helped me whenever I have faced problems. Well My question this time is as follows:
I have this friend of mine (Navjot K Sharma)Age 20, working in my previous organisation. I have always known her to be a very strong willed, loving person full of life who's always ready to help others. Recently we had a blood donation camp in our office, and shes the only lady I know of donating blood for this noble cause.
Well thres lot more to the story, I remember once asking her casually about her family background. What came out was really shocking. Her mom who was a Sharma Brahmin happened to be a prostitute who got married to hindu. When this lady was pregnant she did try to abort(navjot) however was unable to do so since it was too late then. Navjots 1st father has already left them before her birth. However, later her mother got aquainted to this Sikh man whom she later married and she has another 2 children from her second husband. Navjots step father was already married and has another family who obvioulsy does not know about Navjots and her mom. I need not say that Navjot was never accepted by her step father. Navjot has been taking care of her family till now but has now left her family and now stays seperately as a PG., however it now seems that she has fallen prey to bad company and has started smoking and wasting money in unnecesary things. We were very close friends till recenly when I raised my concers about this issue after which she has been ignoring me thinking I'm trying to be personal. She has a medical history of a lung cavity which really troubles her when she smokes. I really dont understand what can be done. Is she depressed? do u think medical councelling can help? can u suggest sumthing since I can see a friend distroying herself in vices and in bad company. What can I personnaly do to help in this situation. I do not wish to discuss this to any of my aquaitants here and really dont know what to do. I hope you will be able to provide some insight in this situation.
thanks and regards, Sat"kal,, Nitinpal Singh (awaiting for a speedy reply.

---Reply

There is a lot this person could do. Counseling would be very effective, depending upon the counselor, of course. Going to a Kundalini Yoga Class could help her. There are many things I could suggest. The problem here, though, is that it sounds like your friend is unwilling to help herself. You cannot force her to go for help. You can be there for her and listen to her. I suggest that you express your concerns with the following formula. "Navjot, when you smoke, drink and........(whatever the behavior is) I get very concerned and worried about you, your health and your general wellbeing, because I care about you as a friend and need to know that you are going to be healthy and happy in your life. Is there anything I can do for you? What do you need from me? This may open her up to talk, it may not. If not, there is nothing you can do, except tell her that you are there for her, if she ever decides to call you. Tell her that you are there to listen to her and be her friend. Good luck. Blessings. GTKK