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Summary of Question:	Relationship's
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Sunday, 2/04/2007 9:58 AM MST

Hello,

I have abit of a tricky situation and I do not know what to do, I am currently at university and I really liked a girl at the start of the year, I did not tell her that I liked her, and I felt shy everytime she was in the same place as me, and I did not speak to her much. I was in the same class as her friend, I found it easier to speak to her and considered her as a really good friend. Before the end of the semester, I found out that her friend, who was in my class liked me, but I did not see her in the same way, but instead saw her as a close friend. At this point I did not know what to do, I did not want to hurt my friend but I did not want to hide my feelings for the girl I liked. I eventually went up to the girl I liked and told her that I liked her, she told me that that she saw me as a friend but did not like me in this way. That feeling of being rejected is very hard and since then I have found it hard to forget. Not only does the girl I like not like me, but her friend who liked me is hurt, that I liked her friend instead. Now everytime I see the girl I like I feel awkward. I know what I am feeling is one of the five vices, lust and is an infatuation, so why is it so hard to forget about her? I want to see her as a friend first, but I cannot. My friends birthday was a short while ago, and the girl I like came to my flat, i've stopped drinking alcohol for a couple of years, I thought that if I could drink, that I could relax more and that she might like me, I feel bad that I drank for a girl and I feel weak for doing this. What I want to ask you is how can I forget about this girl, and see her as a friend, is there anythink I can do, listen to kirtan or simran, and how to become less shy. I read somethink on the youth forum, that a person's emotions are not apart of them, but emotions seem to be so strong, I know that this is a test from god, I thought that this would not happen to me, and that I would not feel like this about a girl, but the temptation from a women seems to be so strong. I also want to ask this girl why she does not like me, as I feel that this would help me. I see this girl almost everyday and I do not want to change my normal routine, and do not want this to affect my work, I also know that it is written in my destiny whether I will be with her or not, so why is it so hard to forget about her? I have read on the forum that if you like someone but they do not like you, you should pray for their happiness, I do this for her as well as her friend who likes me. I want to ask you what can I do to deal with this situation, I want to see her as a person, not just her looks, I want to look at a girl for her goodness and look for the goodness in her soul, how do you do this? What should I do in this situation, what is your advice, I would really appreciate your advice alot and this can help me move forward.
Thank you.
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Reply
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Wahe Guru, my dear. All is really very OK.
One lady you have as a friend. The other one you have a facination with. This is a mental situation where your mind is running you and ruining you. Guru ji talks about this condition all the time. Hah! Guess, it is called Maya!

You are fixated outside of yourself and not really operating from a balanced and internally focused place. I would suggest that you incorporate the ONE MINUTE BREATH into your daily routine...for 31 minutes a day for the next 90 days.

This is available from the Youth forum........please reference it in a search. Essentially it will be 20 seconds inhale through the nose, 20 seconds hold the breath in and 20 seconds exhales the breath. The count would be to the mental chant of Sa Ta Na Ma counting from the tip of the finger plus the 3 joints including the thumb....... on 5 fingers gives you 20 counts. Eyes looking inside at the 3rd eye center.

Start this daily same time and place for 90 days. You will get clarity and your mind will calm down. When you complete, read a hukam from your Guru or nitnem each day. You will be amazed at the awareness and composure this will bring.

God Bless you with Wahe Guru,
SKKK