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Summary of Question:	Dealing With A Disabled Member Of The Family
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 8/27/2003 3:11 PM MDT

Wahe Guru Ji Khalsa Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh,

My question is filled with many questions, and is fueld by many emotions. I am going to be 21 in less than a week and live with parents, two brothers (both older), my bhabi and my nephew and niece (both are my eldest brothers children). My nephew is 7 going onto 8 and is disabled.

For as long as I can remember Sikhi has been in the air at home and is embeded within our hearts. Regardless of all the problems that my family has faced my parents have kept the faith in Vahegure very alive.

However, until now I had never questioned if there IS a God or not. This is because as a result of my nephews disability he cannot speak, sit, move....he cannot do anything apart from making cooing noises and cry. It is so painful to see him like that, but we have never felt sorry. Today it has been three days, where he has been very ill, he has a chest infection, throat infection, the flu and an eye hammerage! SIGH!

My nephew was lying down, weak, tired, trying to sleep, but he is in soo much pain that he is not ablke to sleep. He has flem stuck in his throat, but he has no energy to cough it out, when he chokes it pains, he tries to cry but barley makes a sound, he tries to look at us.....................but cant open one eye..and the other eye..filled with confusion....innocence...pain..sigh. I put one hand behind his head and kept him close to my chest as I rubbed his back, and did a Vaheguru simran. He seemed a bit calm, but I had to stop when he started choking...SIGH! I looked at his weak face, and he looked right at me into my eyes....and i just had tears in my eyes.....I never cry, but i couldnt hold it in.....

He has never done anything wrong, he has never cursed anyone, he has never stepped on am ant.....because he cant do any of them. Why does he have to suffer soo much? How can we (the whole fanily) learn to cope? We need to cope so we can help him....I dont know what you can do to help me, but I know there are other people out there who might not have the same problem but they deal with an equal or greater weight! All I want to know is how can i help my family? We'd love to go to the Gurdwara, but its soo difficult with my nephew.....i dont even know what to ask. There must be something in Sikhi that would help me to understand these issues about life, there must be something that would enable the family to cope with such issues.

I know we all come and we all go, we all experience joy and we experience suffering. It is not that we are the only family with such an issue. But if this happens with everyone, every living creature created by God....then is that the meaining of life itself, to actually deal with life itself?? Is the meaning of life, life? I dont know if this makes sense.......i am confused....

Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh

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Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa, Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh.

When it comes to difficulties like you describe, it can be difficult for the human heart to come to terms with it. Yes, we can understand the philosophy of life - about karmas and challenges and there is pain and pleasure given to everyone. But this doesn't always help the heart.

Guru says many things about the peace that comes from accepting the Will of God, of recognizing that everything happens for a reason, even if we can't understand this reason. And in my own life, I believe this very deeply and truly. Pain happens. Challenges come. There is, what seems to us, a dark side of life. But nothing is outside of His Will and so faith helps us relax, understanding that these things do happen for a reason.

But the Creator also gave us very real human feelings. Saddness, tears, grief, confusion, anger. And the path of the Sikh is a path of genuineness - we don't deny what we feel. We flow with it. So if you can accept what is happening to your nephew and accept what your feelings are and then give it over to the Creator. It may be helpful for you. Cry if you need to cry. Get anrgy about it if you need to get angry. Don't "stuff" your feelings - let them flow and then let Naam Simran support you. Ultimately, our burdens are His burdens. This isn't a logical, mental thing that makes sense. But through being at peace with what you truly feel and, in your Naam Simran, feel yourself leaning on the Creator for support - you'll find that He is there to help your heart with the questions that, ultimately, have no human answer at all.

I hope this is some help for you.

Much love to you and many blessings.

Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa, Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh.

GPK