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Summary of Question:	Angry, Tired Of The Hyprocisy And Double Standards
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Saturday, 2/03/2007 12:31 AM MST

i dont think im going to find a girlfriend or a wife unless i become clean shaven.....

truthfully if sikh women were to admit it that even religious sikh women
dont find turbanned singhs attractive..........women ONLY marry men they
find attractive and religion is second and looks come first.there is a major
double standerd in sikhism that women cut thier hair without guilt arguing that
women do it anyway but sikh men are labled traitors if they trim or cut their hair
...........now all the sikh women are going to respond by saying that turbanned
men arent supposed to be attractive but fearless etc but in reality when women get
together they only talk about clean shaven men ALL SIKH women hate turbanned men...........
im sikh and tired of being in a religion where even our own women hate sikh men.....and in
reality this is the truth.....i want to become clean shaven but cant because everybody will get 'angry'.......
my dad is clean shaven but he is a hypocrite and always tells me i should keep a beard and wear a turban
even when he smokes, drinks and eats meat......it makes my blood boil..........i dont understand why my mum kept my hair when she never even taught me about
sikhism and especially when my dad is cleanshaven......i am finding it so hard to learn about sikhism now in
my twenties and it makes me depressed, isolated and angry........i should be happy in this period of my life but because i wear a
turban it makes my unhappy and it restricts me........ i cant go out with my friends because they all go to bars/clubs and when i go to the gurdwara all
sikh men have trimmed beards and all the women are either married to or in relationships with cleanshaven men or men from other religions
.........abroad all sikh men cut their hair and women only marry clean shaven men..........even amongst sikhs i stand out when i should feel normal
whenever i go to the gurdwara all the sikhs stare at me....a gurwara is a place where i should feel normal and happy but all i get is stares and it makes me
angry.........outside i look different but also in the gurdwara i look different because i wear a turban
and keep a beard..........im tired of standing out in a crowd because i look different compared
to other men (women will not understand this as they look normal compared to other women so this problem doesnt affect you).........i dont know
what to do anymore im starting hate sikhism because wearing a turban and keeping a
beard in reality DOES restrict me because you cant do anything that normal people can......wearing a turban and
keeping a beard only leads to racism, rejection, depression and isolation and i want to know is whats the point anymore of following sikhism........
.........................
Reply
..........................
My dear Super Singh,

I am glad you have some place to express your self. Now, lets do some problem solving.
There is someone very special for you and she will come. This challenge is a gift that when faced will give you great depth and understanding of human nature and your own self. Right now you feel trapped. Leave all the anger and hypocrasy and find your support group of friends....whatever age they may be...seek out others that are in your situation.

First if all you have time. Think of the pressure of your irritation with this situation as steam that is warming the air.You are fixated outside of yourself and not really operating from a balanced and internally focused place. The love you feel for yourself is not apparant. The pride and joy of your form, beard and turban is also missing. A truely wonderful woman will love you deeply. All these relationships that are surface are superficial. Hold it in your psyche and mind what kind of a woman you would like to marry. You will attract to you someone very perfect with a little bit of meditative work, called simran and breath.

I would suggest that you incorporate the ONE MINUTE BREATH into your daily routine...for 31 minutes a day for the next 90 days.

This is available from the Youth forum........please reference it in a search. Essentially it will be 20 seconds inhale through the nose, 20 seconds hold the breath in and 20 seconds exhales the breath. The count would be to the mental chant of Sa Ta Na Ma counting from the tip of the finger plus the 3 joints including the thumb....... on 5 fingers gives you 20 counts. Eyes looking inside at the 3rd eye center.

Start this daily same time and place for 90 days. You will get clarity and your mind will calm down. When you complete, read a hukam from your Guru or nitnem each day. You will be amazed at the awareness and composure this will bring.
Your composure and very unemotional centered nature will be so attractitive. Then you can allow someone to come into your life in a most unexpected way.

Wahe Guru God bless you and do this for yourself.
SKKK