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Summary of Question:	Don't Know What To Do.
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Sunday, 8/29/2004 1:14 PM MDT

I was dating this guy for a year and a half and we sort of recently broke up about 2 months ago because I kissed another guy. I loved my boyfriend more than anything or anyone...and he loved me too. I lost my virginity to him and everything...he was my first everything. We still talk on the phone all the time and go out to the movies and dinner and stuff...just like we did when we were together. We still do "intimate" things too. And just the other day we got in a fight and he told me that he doesnt like it when I call him all the time and stuff and it really hurts my feelings because he makes it seem like he likes it when i call and stuff then all of a sudden he doesnt like it...i dont understand him!! The other thing is, is the fact that hes punjabi and im white. It sort of puts a damper on everything. He also said, "all we are, are people that know each other....we dont have a relationship"...the smallest things hurt my feelings...and I dont know how to get it through to him that the things he says to me are disrespectful. I really want to be with him...and i really think that we are SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER...because even though he tells me he doesnt want to be with me...I can see that in his eyes and his actions that he wants to be...And with his college starting and him working..i know its going to be hard for him and its going to be really stressful...and like i told him..im not asking for him to marry me or ne thing..im just asking for him to give me another chance, put the past in the past..wehre it belongs, and to move on...because i really do love him!! WHAT SHOULD I DO AND WAHT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM...TO MAKE HIM SEE?!?!?!?!?!? PLEASE WRITE ME BACK...ITS VERY IMPORTANT!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

(REPLY) Sat Nam. He tells you he doesn't want to be with you, he says things that are disrespectful, and yet you want to be with him? Where is YOUR self-respect? OK, so you lost your virginity to him, don't you realize that to him you are not someone that he could every marry? He used you (with your permission), There is no future for you with this man, and if you ever want to be happy, you need to discover who you really are, instead of this emotional package of attachment and need! Stop being a whining puppy dog, and focus on your school, your future career, and hopefully a marriage eventually to a man who can respect you -- because you respect yourself and are worth marrying. I'm sorry, but I don't see anything in your posting about religion or spirituality or the purpose of life. All of which are far more important and are permanent valued rather than this sick relationship. He may be Punjabi, but is he a practicing Sikh? Even if not, his cultural background automatically will keep him separate from you under the current circumstances. Again, I'm sorry you've got yourself into this. Now, get yourself out! Every action we do leads to a reaction, which in turn causes another reaction, and that is the law of karma in a nutshell. As you sow, so shall you reap. If you want to be happy, you have give up your current feeling sorry for yourself, and turn your life around so that you can give something to humanity, serve other people who are in need, and stop living in your emotional entanglement. This is not easy to do, but I hope and pray you will not waste any more of this precious life of yours! God lives and breathes in you, and has given you free will to make choices. So far, you have not chosen wisely. Have you ever meditated? Look up on SikhNet and find out what the Sikh Gurus taught. Guru NAnak has given all the wisdom you need in JAPJI Sahib. Read it. Read it every morning! That's the best advice I can give you at the moment. May God bless you, SP