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Summary of Question:	Loss Of Self Confidence
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Thursday, 6/25/2009 9:54 AM MDT

Sat sri akal. I have a very wierd problem here. To begin with, i am a very balanced person and get alng very well with people and i am always praised and loved by my family n close ones. But i fail to understand where the problem lies when it comes to relationships. I have had 2 affairs in the past and they have both ended without any break-up. one went back to his family in india and although we kept in touch it was just as friends. The other one got married to someone else in family pressure n still regrets. Then i had 2 marriage proposals n both times things got messed up between families and it stopped just before fixing the engagement. I have totally lost my confidence n faith, now when i go and meet a guy i am absolutely numb, as if ready to get a rejection , because every time things blossom very soon, guys really like me but this is always short lived. I really dont know what to do, how to go about it. i am very scared about my future n the worst is that i really feel ashamed in front of my family...what will they think. These days i am talking with a guy i met thruogh family and i felt maybe this time i wont go wrong but he's just very confusing i reallly dont understand what to do , i am totally blank and scared now.

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REPLY
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Dear kins,

There is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes marriage is just not in our stars for a very long time. We don’t need to know whether someone likes us and wants to marry us just for the sake getting a validation from them. We can’t be getting married just for the sake of our relatives of what they are going to be thinking of us either.

If it is not in our destiny to marry right away it maybe because life is giving you a chance to do what you want for a while before you switch your attention to your husband.

Marriages are a lot of work and perhaps the universe is telling you not to rush into one and just enjoy your life being single. Use this time wisely and go take classes or hang out with friends find all sorts of fun activities to do, challenge yourself in things just to find out who you are. All of those things will help you build your confidence. It is always best to meet someone when you are on the higher note in your life.

Another reason why you may stay single for a while could be because your true soul mate is not ready yet that is why you haven’t met him yet. You want him to build his confidence too and find out who he is before you meet each other. You would not want some boy who does not know who he is, or would you?

Let this thought go the best you can and forget about it, then things will come to you the way they should.

DK