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Summary of Question:	Family Presure
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Friday, 2/25/2005 4:00 AM MST

I feel like my life is a real mess at the moment and i don't know what to do. I am 27 years old, and am a well educated young woman with a good career. The problem is that i'm not married yet and my parents are having a really hard time about it. I feel like i just haven't met the right guy but my parents blame me as i keep saying no to guys that they introduce me to. I think that it's just my bad luck to have not met the right person yet but they think my attitude is wrong. In every other way my relationship with my parents is good and i have always done the right things to respect them. I have never done anything wrong in that sense. I feel like i've really let them down as they seem really depressed about the fact that i'm still single and i can't seem to make things right. I hate how this is effecting things at home because i feel depressed too and i don't feel comfortable at home anymore.

My parents want me to marry this guy that we met a few months ago who i guess they see as a good match. But i just can't seem to connect with him on any level, i have tried but i just don't feel it. I've talked to my parents about how i feel but they keep pressuring me to marry him and i think i'm about to crack under the pressure. I don't think i want to marry this guy but i want my life to go back to normal and i want to make things o.k with my parents again. Is it possible to just marry someone and make it work? I keep fearing that in the end i will be unhappy and end up resenting my family for the pressure and myself for not being strong enough to say no. I can't take this anymore.

(REPLY) Sat Nam. You are not a kid, you are a woman of 27, and though I am aware of the great cultural bias that insists that a woman must marry, I think you are absolutely right to refuse to marry until and unless here is a man with whom you have at least some hope of having a successful happy marriage. So, Have you really, strongly, emphatically told your parents how you feel? Reassure them that you love them very much, and want them to be happy, but you know you will end up resenting them for forcing you into a marriage that you don't want. If you have a career, then you must be self-supporting, and have you possibly considered moving out? I know that's radical, but it might be a "threat" to get them off your back. Not everyone is supposed to marry, and getting married just to please your parents makes no sense to me at all. I really hope the "right" man comes along for you, but if not, so be it. All is God's will. I trust you are praying, and reciting your banis daily so that you are in tune with God's will and the grace of Guru to bless you and your family. SP