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Summary of Question:	Education, Caste Problems In Marriage!! Please Help
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 11/02/2005 9:22 AM MDT

Sat Sri Akaal Ji

I am 23 old hindu girl who came to know a sikh guy (26) (we both are from punjab)when I came to America. He proposed me 4 Years ago and I refused because I knew that my parents will never allow us to marry but as the time passed by I realized that I am in Love with him. I did ask him do you know what are you saying? He said yes. We never had anyone in our lives before that we both love each other that we cant live without each other. I told my parents 2 years ago and they rejected him and force him to leave me and he said me to marry someone of my parents choice when my parents talked to him. I got so mad and didn't talked to him for 1.5 year, even though he tried to talk, call me etc. to me all the time. I thought he was playing with my emotions. 5 months back an incident happened and the fear of losing him forever brought me closer to him. we are together again and we forgive each other our love and care for each other has increased with the time. However, the problem is same I am not of his Caste his parents will never accept me and neither will mine. We both respect our parents and dont want to do the ghar se bhagne walla stuff even we are independent doing our jobs. He is making good money better thaan I do but the main concern of his parents is the caste and mine parents refused him because of his education which is upto the school level in india and I will be college graduate next year. my parents wants a doctor or engeenier kind of guy. please help me to choose a guy educated stranger or a caring, loving known and only best friend. He has told me that he will never marry anyone if its not me and I will probably commit sucide if my parents will force me to marry someone else.

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You are in a difficult situation. As I see it, you have two options. 1- You can do what your parents want of you...and take the risk of not being happy. 2-Go against both of your parents' wishes. Doing this is a risk as well. You have no guarantees that you will be happy with this man either. On the other hand, many, many people have gone against their parents' wishes and have had very happy lives. It means that you have to be prepared to lose your families. Once you are married and start to have children, they may change their minds, but you don't know that for sure. You and this man need to really look at everything involved. Is your love strong enough to withstand all of the odds against you? How will you raise your children? Where will you live? It is not impossible, but you need to be prepared to face many obsticles. Perhaps moving to another country or atleast another part of your country together would give you a new start. I have parents who don't approve of my being a Sikh and for years disowned me. They have come around now, but still we do not celebrate holidays together. I consider my spiritual community to be my real family. Family is a broad term. What are you ready for? Think about it and discuss it with your love. Let us know how you are doing. Blessings. GTKK