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Summary of Question:	Sisterly Love Is Fading
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Thursday, 7/10/2003 4:21 PM MDT

Sat Sri Akal

I have a younger sister -we are 3 yrs apart in age-although we were very close growing up as young children ever since she got married my sister has changed towards me. I don't know exactly what to do-I do understand the reasons and I have thought hard about why we just can't seem to get along. I always feel as if she hates me- I see this through her actions but whenever I confront her about it she either tells me that nothing is wrong or she ends up arguing with me. At this point in time I feel that I can neither trust or confide in her. Our paths have become so far apart. The other problem is that I cannot share a deep closeness with her as she is not as religiously keen or interested as I am.both my husband and I have taken Guru Sahib's amrit but she hasn't and neither has her husband. I often wonder if she will ever realize that I am her older sister and maybe even regret how she behaves with me. I am wondering if I should just carry on with my life or try to work out the relationship. I have no hope right now for us and I really need some sound advice that could help me ease my mind. I pray that you will help me. Thank you

Sat Sri Akal
May God Bless you for listening to my pain and for taking the time out to reply

H K

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REPLY
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Sat Siri Akaal.
As the only Sikh (I converted) in a nominally Christian family, I can understand some of your pain. I think that all you can do is pray for her, keep the door OPEN on your relationship, but otherwise change your expectations. Stop expecting the closeness you once had. People, even family members, drift apart; I speak from experience. It happens. There is nothing that says sine you were both born Sikh that you are both Sikh in spirit. A Sikh is known by his or her actions, not birth. At this time, she is not Sikh. That seems (from your post) to be the reason she has pulled away; she is perhaps uncomfortable with you since you have embraced Sikhi and she has not.

You said that you think you know the reason for the separation. If so, then study that reason and ask yourself what would mend it, if anything. It could be there is nothing you can do now. Also, be sure in your heart to forgive the situation and her attitude towards you. Do this in your heart--you don't have to do it face-to-face. This can do wonders to clear the pain and make it easier for you to accept the situation. When you are in her presence, be polite and honor her as your sister, but don't try to force the issue. She clearly does not want to discuss it, and that's why things get difficult. It may be that you really have to avoid anything but large extended family get-togethers where she is involved.
Chant the Naam to bring you neutral mind and ease your pain. Do it with your husband, and make it a daily practice. The neutral mind it brings will give you understandings on the situation that you are presently too pained to see. Guru ang sang,
-DKK