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|Summary of Question:||Mistakes I've Commited|
|Date Posted:||Sunday, 8/15/2010 1:15 PM MDT|
As a young child,I lived in a family where my mother suffered alot of physical abuse and upto date she still does.I have had a very tough life. Arguements are a daily routine and fights (violence) at home.
However in the past few years,I have wanted to walk away from my family and committed one too many mistakes whilst trying to do so.
Firstly, I was with a muslim guy and I had no sex education whatsoever from anyone and ended up being pregnant.I aborted the child,as I didn't want a muslim child,and was beaten up severely and constantly by the Muslim guy when I was with him. I never had faith that he would support me with raising the child up.
Just because no one ever found out about the abortion, I went further into university and met a bunch of friends who were really spoilt. I had made a promise infront of the Grant Sahib never to make mistakes again. I made every mistake a SIKH shouldn't whilst at university.
My sister says I am favoured every time because of the grace of God.
I have been very restless and during this ummer I have been wanting to change and not be the same person anymore when I get back to University.
I want to respect myself,and I just have begun to hate myself.
I have all along prayed and done alot of sewa in the Gurudwara.
Yet of recent im not happy deep within myself,I have everything anyone could want except inner peace.
What must I do?
***** REPLY *****
The past is gone. Fateh! Finished. It does not exist any more. All the pain you have experienced is a blessing. It brought you to Maharaj Ji's feet.
Forget about kurehats past. Forget about your fantasies of the future.
Let it all go. The time is now.
Stop living in your mind and start living in your heart.
Your relationship with your Guru is yours alone. It is the answer to the prayers of your heart and your soul. Deepen it.
Offer your pain to Maharaj Ji and consciously lay it at His feet. Tell him you do not want to live like this and that you are giving it all to Him.
Happiness comes only from complete surrender to Guru Ji.
Otherwise, you will find it to be not so happy nor carefree...
just fantasies, expectations, guilt and pain.
There is only this moment. Let it unfold. Give your heart to the Guru and let Him arrange your affairs. Stop trying to do it yourself. LET HIM take care of it.
Surrender Relax. Do seva.
Before you can live in Love you must be fully in love with yourself. Take the time to do that. Now is the time to let go of your insecurities and guilt. Work on yourself. Now is the time to live in your grace.