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Summary of Question:	Stick To Purity
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Sunday, 12/14/2003 11:22 AM MST

Sat Sri Akal,

This isnt actually a question but more of a story and some insight into life. I am hoping the moderators put this story on so that my experience can guide others not to do the same thing. Well I dated this girl last month. Non-sikh complete opposite values. I'm havnt taken Amrit but I still follow thigns like not drinking not smoking, vegetarion etc. She was opposotie but she always respected my spiritual and culture beliefs, (she was gori not that makes her any less.) She never ever pressured me into doing anything and if anything she would always help to make me a better person. (encourageing me to be more truthful, seeing the good in everyone accepting peoples faults etc) despite the fact she drank and smoke she was extremly kind hearted she even meditates. So yes well me to continue and her did "stuff" so to speak during our relationship. While we never had striaght out sex we did do other things. it was me who initiated everything cause as I said she never pressured me. A few days ago we broke up because of difficulties. I had trouble accepting her value system and would mostly judge her more then enjoy being with her. While the break up hurts I have learned some valuble lessons. before the relationship I thought I was king of the world, that I was 100% sin free. Now I cant help but look back to what we did. I dont want to say I regret it but in a way I do. I feel like because of the "stuff" well it racks me with guilt. I had relations with soemone else other then my wife which makes me guilty. I gave into the heat of the moment which as I said was initiated by me. Looking back I perhaps should have stuck to someone with my values and beliefs. But I did learn other things as well. as I said I felt like I was sin free, but now I've been humbled, and that I am no better then anyone else on this planet and that I'm a sinner as well. As it says in the Guru Granth Sahib Become the dust of the feet of all, and then, you may come to me. So I've become humbled. Secretly I use to look down on people who do such things even all my friends but now that I've become one of them I relize we are all equal. I am racked with guilt but this confession has helped me feel better. I've done nothing but repeat the lords name since our break up to help me and God's helped me out quite a bit. I know that there is no sin that cannot be overcome. I mean I've prayed and yes I feel guilty but as Long as I go to God apologize and swear I never do it again i know its okay. I do have that fear of course that if I do it again well that it will break my vow but I also know if I hadnt done it in the first place I wouldnt be in this prediciment. Once you get a taste of something like this u want more. I've spent the last few days trying to keep my mind holy with prayers and shabads but it's going to take a lot of work. So I suppose my msg is try to keep pure, dont judge others and God will forgive you whatever you do if you truly repent. Have a good day and thank you for listening.

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Sat Siri Akal.

Thank you for being willing to share your story with other people. It is really difficult to be in the situation you are in. Today's youth are faced with living in two very different cultures - one pop Western culture that says sex is OK and one Sikh culture that says wait until you are married. It puts a tremendous amount of pressure on the youth- which culture do you belong to?

So - sometimes we have to try something before we understand who we are and why we have the values we have. There is no reason to feel that you are a sinner or to be guilty. Everything that happens is the Will of God and curiosity is natural. But you are right that it also creates pain between two people when there is a lot of sexual behavior without the commitment or without matching value systems. So do not see yourself as guilty or bad. You're just a person trying to figure it out. Have compassion for yourself and the girl you dated. It is difficult right now in the world - there is so much pressure. Be grateful, instead, that you learned a good lesson. Remember the lesson and do the best you can to support other people while they figure out their lessons, too.

Again - thank you for having the courage to share your story with the rest of the community. I am sure that your words will help somebody out there make the right decisions.

Love and blessings,

GPK