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Summary of Question:	True Love
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 10/29/2003 4:04 AM MDT

sat nam. hi. recently i just started going to university and before i left my mother told me "behta, i am giving you much choice, i will not pick out an indian girl for you to marry, that will be of your own chocing, but she must be indian" i jokingly told her "muma ji, i dont think that will happen" and she started crying. then on the drive to my university. she and my unle discussed with me about how my cuzins regreted tehir choices to marry outside our own culture and how that marrying a nice indian girl would make thing easier for everyody. this really hit me hard as i think it very doubtful that the person god intends to be my life partner is indian. for out of all the women in the world less that 5% are probably indian. does that mean 95% are automatically not going to suite me because of race? so my first question is, is it okay to marry outside my own religion, race? would god look down on me for that? in my personal experiences i have not been attracted to many women in mah life. in my experiences there have been no indain woman. the only peson taht i have actually fallen in love with is a vietnamese girl. she is a catholic though. we used to be best friends in high school. one day she told me to tell her that i loved her. i refused to becuase i didnt think iw as ready for a relationship at that point. but as tiem passed i willed myself to say it one day. but this tiem she said that she was sad that i would say that (she didnt feel the same way). since then we have tried to remain friends but we are awfully uncomfortable. it has been about a year since the incient and it seemed as thoguh we were going to make it as firends after all. but then we jsut got into a fight yesterday. it wasnt a fight over anhing in particuar. we fought because we are both loneley and miss each other. we want each other to be therre, but we know that is crossing our limits. since we decided to be just friends we have both been miserable. she often writes to me about wanting to die. i jsut want to know how i cna make it so we are both happy. i think that maybe she does really love me, but is also under pressure in her home (her parents are very strict) to marry a nice vietnamese catholic boy. since i said i love her. at first she would always amke me jelous and talk about other boys she likes. and then after that stage she started a ne phase where she hated boys. an boy who was not her friend already she woudl not talk to. i get mixed message form her all the tiem now. we go to universities in different cities so we berely ever see each other. whenever i see her thoguh it is great. she always tells me how much she misses me when im gone. i do not know if thats as a friend or as a boyfriend. i thought i was over her, but apperntly im not. and if she is not over me i feel liek i am betraying her trust soemhow. it is wierd cuz at tiems i cant tell wether she has feelings for me or not. and i am pretty sure she knows i still have feelings for her. by the way, i feel sometiems she is my soulmate because not only is she the msot pretty thing i have ever layed eyes on, but she is the one person in the world that i can talk to. help me, please. what shoudl i do?

sorry about all teh rabling. it is 3 AM and i am tired. but i relaly do appreciate your help. may you help me as much as you have helped others. bless you and thank you.
(REPLY) Sat Nam. You're asking about "true love" and you're describing a very typical situation where young people are totally involved in their emotions (which isn't LOVE!) and the girl is driving the guy crazy! You are very fortunate that you are not in the same university, because maybe there's a chance you can focus on your studies, and stop obsessing over this girl. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong about Indians marrying non-indians, except for the built in problems and challenges of different cultures, religions, belief systems, and family differences! These are tremendous obstacles to long term happiness. I think your best course for now is to forget about marriage completely, and concentrate on working toward a career, and -- even more important, find a way to spend time each day reading your banis! You've got to get a perspective on life, and our Gurus gave us excellent information about the world and tried to open our eyes to see our place in it, and the fact that all relationships, except with your own soul, with the GOD in you are temporary! I know that you're too young to relate to the fact that we are all going to die someday, and we need to live our lives as if each day were the last. That's why our Sikh code of conduct is called the Rehit Maryada -- constant remembrance of death! It is such a waste of this precious life to feel miserable and be love-sick, as you apparently are, so, I have to say quite bluntly, get over it. The girl whom you think you love is catholic, and that bacground provides a very, very stong indoctrination about sin and guilt that will take a lifetime to get over. And how would you raise your children, by the way? Well, this is, I hope, some food for thought. Please try to meditate every day, and pray for guidance, so that you don't spoil your present and your future. May God and Guru bless you with wisdom, faith, and courage. SP