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Summary of Question:	Confused About Destiny
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 4/03/2007 12:56 AM MDT

Sat Siri Akal!

First, I want to thank the moderators for their time and dedication. I don't think any one of us can thank you all enough for the wonderful job that helps confused and lost souls like me! This forum has helped me in many cases. I've spent numerous hours reading the questions & answers that are posted here. It not only brings me clarity, but also helps me become a better person and a better Sikh. I'm sure the question I'm about to ask has been asked before but I could use some clarification. Personally, I find destiny and fate discussions very confusing. I can't seem to grasp this confusing matter. The more I read, the more confused I am. I'm sorry for bringing this up again but these questionsare constantly coming up in my mind. What if our intuition tells us to do something that might not bring us closer to our destiny? How can we tell what God wants us to do when everything is destined (or is it not predestined)? Should we just let God take care of who we marry or what career to choose? How much should we try before letting God take care of things? I try to recite the Banis but can't seem to get clear answers from God. I thought maybe if I use my personal dilemma as example, it might help clarify things for me (and anyone else who's confused like me).

I had been in a relationship with a guy who I thought I'd marry. He's a nice guy who cares about everyone (sometimes a little too much). We are both in our late 20s, compatible, and with our share of problems just like any other relationship would have. We've had problems with both sets of parents and long distance made things even more demanding. But we seemed to make it and thought we had Waheguruji's blessings. We were together for little over a year but he recently called it off because he thinks I deserve better. He started having some health problems and also lost his job recently. He thinks he won't make a good husband and that I should find someone else who would make me and my parents happy. I'm not shallow where I would leave him because of his health or lack of job because those things could've happened after we got married. But he made his decision. Now my question is that should I consider this as God's will (part of my destiny) and accept that we weren't meant to be or should I fight for this as my intuition is telling me to? If I let it go, won't I be giving up (and relying on fate)? And if I still pursue this, will be calling for more karma? After reading my Banis or listening to Gurbani, I feel like I should still fight for this relationship. But how do I know what is the right decision that will take me on the right path to my destiny and closer to God?

Please guide me so I can understand what I should do or not do in this (or another) situation. Thanks for ALL your help and for giving us a medium to ask questions. You're doing an amazing job!
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reply
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Dear one,
You are very thoughtful and I believe that you know the answer.
Everything in your life is happening because it is part of your destiny. Living to your destiny does not mean that your life will be happy, unfettered of challenges or somehow different. So, stop trying to judge this relationship and accept where you are now.

Where you are at the moment is, having been in a deep relationship, it is hard to let that go. This is understandable. This is your calibre as a woman. Still, the committment of marriage has not yet been given, so the ease to move out of the relationship is there without more karma. Your friend is correct. If you choose to not let go when he is letting go, then this is a karma for you to wrestle with for a while.


For now, you can best focus your energies on prayer and devotion. SURRENDER your will to God's will and you will find your destiny. Here is an exercise for you to do to clear the way.
Give up this struggle to God and Guru by writing down ALL your concerns for this man, your loyalty, your love, your emotions......express them all in writing. Then take this piece of paper and start reciting your morning nitnem. When you are finished your nitnem......give the paper over to Guru with an Ardas. Tell Guru that you surrender all hopes. expectations.work to Wahe Guru. It is all YOUR(Gurus' work) now. Then, burn the piece of paper as your demonstration of letting it all go to God and Guru. If God can rotate the earth, He can arrange your affairs.

THEN: for the next 90 days....as your demonstration of your surrender...recite the Shabd..."Mangala Saaj Bhai-aa......" eleven times daily. Every day 11 times. There are some recordings of this you can sing with but do it!!! This is for bringing you happiness.

Then, whatever happens, (without your efforts to convince him) is God's will. Whether you get back together again, get married, break up for sure, meet someone new, find bliss in God's name....just see what God brings you. It will all be your destiny. For now you are overwrought with emotion and all that energy spent on emotion is much more to your complement as devotion. You are a woman of God and that is very powerful.

Even in marriage, your first committment is to God and Guru. If you are devoted to God and Guru in your prayer and in your actions, then all roads will take you to your destiny.
Blessings to you with love,
SKKKK