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Summary of Question:	Vi Guru Ji Khalsa Vi Guru Ji Ki Fateh
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 11/08/2006 12:33 PM MST

Please pay attention to this email as I really need your guidance.

I am 29 and going to turn 30 in April next year. I love my parents but on odd occasions they really put a lot of pressure on me.

I have a weight problem and trying to sort it out but at the same time I am getting my head done in by everyone. I understand that parents worry but at times they are too worried about how many boys I have seen.. I have only seen eight so far and some of them have been no's from me and some have been no's for me. I just feel that I haven't met anyone that I click with...Meaning on the same level as me. I am a spiritual person and I am a homely person. I have alwayz been good and have never let my parents complain...

In our house hold my dad alwayz shouts when he ever has to say anything and there will never be a day where he wouldn't shout..He alwayz lets off negative energy and has been like that that when I was a little girl..He sometimes used to phyiscially and mentally torture my mum but now just shouts at her..

I love my mum and dad but even my mum never understands and alwayz feel that whenever I say No to boyz itz either because I am with someone/with another caste/religion.

I had an argument with them today because I cannot take it anymore veer ji. Ever since I Have been a child people have alwayz treated me horrible of course I do have good people round me. MY aunty has alwayz critiscised me about my weight and does favourtism with me...She also gets a say on what happens with my marriage. She is my mums sister and she tries to make out that I don't listen to my parents when I do. Its only when I know certain things r not right I do put my foot down. Because of the way I look I get treated different from some pple.

Veerji I do want to get married but I just don't want to say yes to anyone. I too have the right to chose who I wish 2 marry. Why is God doing this to me? Please Veer Ji please advize me...I know in my place I am right...

I can't right too much incase someone sees me writing this..Please reply..

(REPLY) Sat Nam. Sorry you feel so bad,and so much like a victim. I am wondering if you have thought about working on yourself to develop some self-esteem -- so you'd feel GOOD about yourself! You say you're "homely" -- well, what are you like on the inside? Do you value the divine soul within you? I understand in your culture, the parents have a lot to say about marriage -- but you say you "put your foot down." So, you're really not weak at all. I don't want to give you any sympathy, and I definitely don't agree that "God is doing this to you." You are doing everything to yourself! Everthing that happens "to us" is the result of some karma we have earned, and it is a lesson to be learned. Getting married is not a guarantee of a happy life. Happiness has to come from within, and you have to start by doing whatever it takes to appreciate all the good qualities that you have. Is there any career that appeals to you? Are you content to be overweight? How much have you tried to lose weight -- since that seems to be an issue. How much do you do your banis and do seva at the Gurdwara? Prayer is our power, and God lives and breathes in you at every moment. If you don't marry, what are your plans? There are too many unanswered questions for me to know what to tell you, except that we each are responsible for the way we FEEL. No matter what events or circumstances come into the life, it is how we respond to them that reflects our character and builds toward our destiny. May God bless you and Guru guide you to be healthy, happy, and holy! SP