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Summary of Question:Need Help And It's Urgent
Category:Love & Marriage
Date Posted:Sunday, 5/08/2011 6:41 PM MDT

Here's the problem, I can't get rid of the guilt feeling that I have been feeling since few days. My boyfriend whom I am getting married to this year (both the families have agreed) came from Canada to meet me here on the west coast. We have known each other since 3 years (then we used to work in the same office) and have been good friends since 2 years(later we were in different countries and had been in touch through phone/chat). We got committed to each other some 6 months back when we first met. We met for about 4 days then, spent time with each other and thus took the decision to get married.

First time when we met was about 6 months back. At that time we decided to commit, we didn't even hug, he just kissed my hand.. At that time also I thought holding and kissing hands before marriage isn't a good thing. But I got over the guilt feeling after few days.
But this time, he kissed me all over my face, many times. While he was doing that, I couldn't stop him as I didn't want to hurt him. Plus, I felt that it was his gesture of showing me his love for me. But now that he has left I feel really very bad about that. I feel so guilty. I discussed about this feeling with him, and he said that there was nothing wrong about it as we are committed to each other and are soon getting married. He even said that he wouldn't have even considered his sister wrong, if she were in my place and if in his place was the guy she was getting married to. (My point is that he would have accepted/ allowed his sister if she were in a similar situation as me). When I told him that we are wasting time in kissing rather than talking and discussing things, he said we already talk a lot over the phone and there's nothing to discuss. When he said this I felt even more bad, I have doubts that kissing was the only purpose of his coming here all his way from Canada??!! That made me feel like a whore.
I am not a Gursikh but I have deep love for Sikhi and Gurbani. I am not sure if by allowing him to kiss me,I was right or wrong. I just feel guilty about it. I don't know if I should feel that way or not but that's how I feel.
Should I talk about the kissing thing to someone elder in my family and get rid of the guilt?
I asked my elder sister who is like 10 years elder to me (I'm 25)few days back if it was okay to talk romantic stuff over the phone, she said yes. But I'm embarrassed to talk about this thing. Should I go ahead and talk to her. Maybe that would relieve my guilt?
What do you think, Am I over reacting?
I am from an Indian Sikh family and just came to US a year back so maybe that is the reason why I kinda feel kissing a big deal. I always thought that no one can even touch my hand before marriage, not even my fiancée.
In your views whatever happened, was it okay(and I should not feel bad about it), or is it something that I 'should' feel guilty about and maybe even do something to get rid of the guilt.

Please let me know if I am over reacting and creating misery out of something that is normal and part of love (that's what everyone says)? Or if I actually did something wrong?
Please reply asap, as this feeling is killing me.
I find your words hard to believe. Here in the West people kissing is not about guilt. It is an expression.
It can be a greeting, a hello, an expression of welcome and of affection, caring, warmth. Please stop over-reacting. Be grateful to God and Guru that someone is expressing love after al these years with such reserve.... and not REALLY pressuring you to become more physically involved before marriage.
God bless you.

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