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Summary of Question:	Anxious About Marriage To Amazing Singhni
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Monday, 5/10/2004 10:57 AM MDT

Vahiguru Ji Ka Khalsa

Vahiguru Ji Ki Fateh

I am writing to you for some advice as I honestly think that you (the moderators) have given some valuable pearls of wisdom to many. I have searched your database and cannot really find any related answers to my 'question'.

Recently, I got engaged to this amazing Dastaar Singhni who I have admired (and had a secret crush on for the past 2 years). I truly consider myself to be blessed and that I must of done something great in one of my previous lives to have the rishta of this Singhni. A few years back I made a mental note in my mind on what traits I would like my Ardangi to have, and I do not mean to exaggerate, but she has a tick next to every box! We get on amazingly well and we have so much in common (politically, spiritually and even musically). I know I am painting the perfect picture here, but this is where issues for me begin.

I am having serious anxieties about this wedding. Trust me when I say that I have NO doubts about what is happening, my mun seems to be in a 'mess' over this at the moment! I haven't spoken to her about this, as I know this would upset her and that is the last thing I wish to do.

I have had previous relationships in the past where I was close to getting married and the girl had called off the rishta at the last moment (which left me totally destroyed as a person). Unfortunately this has happened twice! I have reasoned in my mind that maybe my anxieties are linked to these previous experiences.

I just want to say that I relly do love this Singhni and there is not a moment where I do not think about her or want to be physically close to her. But I do not want this to develop and maybe drive a wedge in between us in the future. I do not want my inadequacies as an individual to ruin anyone else's existance.

I know this is asking a lot from you, but could you please help me in anyway that you can as it would be greatly appreciated.

Guru Ang Sang

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reply
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Sat Siri Akaal. I am certain your anxieties are related to the past experiences. And that your mum's anxiety is for the same reason. One thing to be certain of: are both your parents and hers in favor? Or just pretending to be? This could certainly force last-minute changes if any parents are opposed (which is different than just being stressed about wedding plans). What kind of promises have you and your Singhni made to each other (you know, about how you feel and your past experiences). It might be useful to make certain your fiancee is aware of your anxiety so that she can help allay it.
I highly recommend you do a lot of long deep breathing from your navel point. Sit with a straight spine and focus at your 3rd eye. Play some kirtan when you do this. Try to do it daily, morning and evevning for at least 3 minutes, but 11 is better. Also I recommend Sukhmani Sahib recitation, daily, for bringing peace. Perhaps recite it with your fiancee and create that space together. Guru ang sang,
-DKK