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Summary of Question:	Married Life...
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Monday, 1/12/2004 1:46 AM MST

Hi,

I don't know how to start this email. Maybe I should start by complimenting you all on your work. I think it's great that you try to help those in need by answering their questions.
The question that I have is kinda funny. I've been going out with my boyfriend for 2 years now. We've had our ups and downs, but overall I've been soooooooooooo happy with him. I feel like I've met the perfect guy. Someone who loves me unconditionally and respects me so much.
Well, we're engaged now and will be getting married pretty soon. Again, I love him very much, but I'm really scared about getting married. Both of our families want us to get married soon, so we're doing that, but so many things go through my head when I think for a second that we're getting married. How can I make my marriage successful? I've seen so many marriages that have failed and it scares me to think that mine could. I don't want it to, so my question is, what should I do to keep my marriage successful.
I'm going into a joint family, and I don't know how to cook. I'm trying, but it's so hard. Two weeks ago, my sweater caught on fire by standing in front of the stove cooking roti's. Today, it was the roti that caught on fire... literally. How do I keep his family happy? Another thing is is that I just recently learned how to speak in punjabi, only 5 or 6 years ago. I speak pretty good now but I make mistakes which are really embarrassing. And his family is so social. How can I make his family happy?...

I guess the question I'm asking is how can I be perfect so I can have a successful marriage?
I know I might be asking some really crazy questions but I would really appreciate it if you give me some advice. Thank you all again for everything..

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I think the best advise I can give you is ---stop trying to be perfect. Relax and have a sense of humor about situations. If you are, your husband's family will be OK with everything as well. If you are uptight and down on yourself, they will fall into that as well. Be light and the sun in the family. Love them unconditionally and be positive. Make them feel good about themselves...see the good in all of them and show it back to them. They will fall in love with your goodness and kindness. Being a good cook takes time. Be patient with yourself. If you can follow this advise, you will make a great Mataji as well. GTKK