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Summary of Question:	Re: Guilty 4/11/2005
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 4/12/2005 2:20 PM MDT

Waheguru Ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji ke fateh

I just read your email and feel extremely sympathetic towards you. Many people do not realise what they have till its gone, like your marriage. I can understand that you loved your ex and it must have been very hard to marry someone else. However, keeping a picture of him in your wallet for whole 3 months was very wrong and completely insensitive towards your husband's feelings. But you are JUST a human. We all make mistakes.

I have made many mistakes in my life as well, and like you I never realised I was in the wrong. But TRUST ME BHEN!! AND LISTEN TO THIS WITH YOUR HEART AND MIND OPEN!! THE DAY YOU REALISE WHAT YOUR MISTAKES, UNDERSTAND YOUR HUSBAND'S FEELINGS AND ACKNOWLDGE THE IMPORTANCE OF A MARRIAGE AND EACH LAWAN YOU WILL FORGIVE YOUSELF AND GOD WILL OPEN SO MANY DOORS FOR YOU. Believe me, that iss my own life experience. I hurt someone very close to me and I understand how easy it is to get into petty fights and its ever so hard to get out of that cycle. But see it as a test, fighting is for the weak and insecure, rise to the challenge and live your marriage the way Guru Ramdas mentioned in his 4 lawan.

Being disloyal does not include just having affairs, its includes not respecting a person's feelings, intentionally hurting your partner, not making yourself emotionally and mentally available. But you are just a human. Just put yourself in his shoes, imagine he carried a picture of his ex and gave you the impression that he still loved her, and imagine hugging him and having that thought in your head every single time. It would drive you crazy.

If you two are meant to be together it would happen. If you do get a second chance please grab it with both hands, if that is what you want. And try to live a pure, calm and a happy marriage, we all have our ups and down. You would never disown your parents or siblings if you had a big argument with them, then why do it to your partner He will be the closest to you after God, if you let him.

With regards to praying, don’t do it for the sake of it, do it because you truly feel sorry. Don’t cheat God. I find it helps a lot waking up early and praying, it doesn’t have to be really early if you aren’t used to it. Take everyday as it comes. When you read your banis make sure you read the meanings too. Many people read the gotka for years and still don’t understand the meaning and therefore haven’t benefited from it or connected to God at all.

Dear Sister don’t lose faith or hope. Every mistake we make teaches us more about life, other people, ourselves, and can bring us closer to God if we take responsibility. It is not the end of the world, if you have faith in yourself God will do what is right J.. DON’T go into depression or a state of panic as that will only hold you back and cloud your judgement. Rab Rakha
(REPLY) Sat Nam. I hope she reads your response! Thank you. SP