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Summary of Question:	Re: Married But Alone
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 9/28/2004 3:15 PM MDT

It is for ‘Married but alone’. Moderator gave her very good advice; but my experience told me that ‘not all women/girls’ can follow what they know for sure is ‘right’. It is all because of ‘ego’. In the age of feminism . . . we have paid a lot of attention to women’s complaints about men and criticized men for not meeting women’s needs—but we’ve forgotten that men too have needs and women too have faults. Somehow, we’ve even developed the notion that a woman who seeks to meet her husband’s needs is subservient (but a husband who fails to meet his wife’s needs is a …).

Married but alone – first needs to realize that she is not the only one ‘alone’; her husband is equally alone. Men are very simple and easy to please. Only if she can be ‘gracious’, ‘respectful’, ‘tolerant’ and ‘forgiving’ towards one woman that her husband cares so much about; she will realize her power. No other women in this world knows; her husband; the way she does. She is underestimating the power of love that she has for her husband.

Unless her husband is alcoholic, abusive or has committed adultery; there is no reason for her to be stubborn and not do what her husband expects her to do i.e. to be ‘respectful’ towards his mother. May be she can learn from following Gurbani lines (Page 1384) –

kavan so vayso ha-o karee jit vas aavai kant. ||126||
kavan so akhar kavan gun kavan so manee-aa mant.
nivan so akhar khavan gun jihbaa manee-aa mant.
ay tarai bhainay vays kar taaN vas aavee kant. ||127||

What is that word, what is that virtue, and what is that magic mantra?
What are those clothes, which I can wear to captivate my Husband Lord? ||126||
Humility is the word, forgiveness is the virtue, and sweet speech is the magic mantra.
Wear these three robes, O sister, and you will captivate your Husband Lord. ||127||