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Summary of Question:	My Mother Is Against Sikhism.
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 1/12/2005 3:55 AM MST

ssa jee,

iam in a gr8 problem. my father is a sikh but my mother is a hindu(punjabi), i really want to grow my hair and wear a turban but my mother does not allow me.my father does not say anything to avoid an unpleasant situation with my mother.my mother thinks the i won't look good with a turban.all this is causing anger to grow in me and i usually pick up fights with ppl even when i don't want to.also relatives from my mother's side keep on making fun of sikhs,it makes my blood boil and just want to shoot those bastards.iam doing my graduation so iam dependent on my parents.pls advice me wht to do,iam afraid tht violence does not become the only way out.

(REPLY) Sat Nam. I am very sorry for your situation. Unfortunately, you are at this point in your life dependent upon your parents for your support, and you are right, violence will not accomplish anything. This is a time to be patient, and quietly plan for the time when you can live your life as a GurSikh. Meanwhile, think of Guru Arjan, who sat on the hot plate for five days and nights, and didn't fight back. I believe that if you hold the Guru in your heart, and recite your banis every day (can you do that?) and pray for guidance and courage, that Guru will stand by you. When others make fun of Sikhs, pity them for their ignorance, and be grateful that you are not the one making the stupid remarks. For your own peace of mind, know that someday you shall be free to grow your hair, wear a turban, and appear as your soul longs to be. Meanwhile, concentrate on excelling in your school, and prepare yourself for a profession in any career when you can be independent. Patience pays. Do not react to the negativity that relatives - or anyone - sends your way. Prepare in advance a statement you can make, without anger, something that tells them that what they are saying is rude and you are sorry that they feel the necessity to make such statements -- but don't get angry!!! People make fun of others to make themselves feel superior. Pity them for their ignorance. See if you can maintain your grace, and let the stupidity roll off your back, like water off a duck's back! Usually, when people see they don't get a reaction to teasing or making fun of someone , they stop it. Don't let them win by reacting! This will make you strong and graceful, as a Khalsa woman should be. BTW, I would think that since you are a girl, growing your hair long should be possible, even now, unless someone is going to forcibly cut it? Keep up, and you will be kept up! My blessings and prayers are with you! SP