Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	Husband Likes R-Rated Movies, I Don't
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Sunday, 1/16/2005 6:54 PM MST

dear sir/mam , need to know if i am just wasting my time telling my spouse about my ideas on this matter. i have been brought up in a god loving family and with normal moral values . have been married now for 8 yearsand living in canada since after marriage. my spouse has lived in canada since age of 10 , though his family side is like mine too with same teachings and god fearing but we disagree on topic of openness . like i feel guilty and ashamed as having watched some adult or r rated moviesas he tells me to watch it with him. his view on this is that i am over looking at the matter and his arguement is that we are adults and its okey to watch it

although i dont know if i will ever give up on my views of life , but on the other his comments on me as being too old fashioned hurts me too. dont know how i controlmy feelings , dont know whom to ask or talk about it .may be some teaching from gurus [ have a lot of faith in my guru] help me to deal with this long issue. or is it that i just be quiet and dont argue on any of these stuff as it just leads to more arguements . need advice if possible . thanks

*********reply
*************
Sat Siri Akaal. You don't need to feel GUILTY watching a non-porn R-rated movie, but it is not old-fashioned if you truly don't ENJOY the movies. Not all r-rated movies are bad or porn, many of them have real-life dramas we can learn from. And if it is real porn (usually x-rated), that is also not old-fashioned to feel guilty about watching it or to simply not enjoy it. Pornography objectifies people and though 'everyone' does it that doesn't make it right. He wants you to watch it with him to legitimize it as much as anything. So, clearly you have a difference of values on this.

I recommend you stick to your beliefs and let him watch his movies by himself, but don't make an argument over it every time, just decline and do something else. And when children come along, insist that the movies be restricted from them and they not be allowed to watch them with him.

I don't know how to recommend to you to get him to stop. I DO recommend that you find entertainments that you can BOTH enjoy together. I also recommend that you insist on time with Guru together every day, at night or in the morning, by reciting paath and the Naam together. This will go a long way to bring you together. Decide together on what to recite. Guru ang sang,
-DKK