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Summary of Question:	Marriage - Amritdhari Vs Non-Amritdhari
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Friday, 9/21/2001 1:44 PM MDT

waheguru ji ka khalsa

waheguru ji ki fateh
I am an amritdhari girl. recently i got engaged to a guy who is non-amritdhari. i always wanted to marry an amritdhari guy but when this proposal came, i left it to God completely and since it has materialized, i feel it was His will and my destiny to be married to this guy. although this guy is from a good family with religious values, as of now he has no intentions of taking the amrit. i am scared that after marriage (or maybe even before) i might break certain rules of rehet maryada; like eating 'jootha' of a non- amritdhari sikh. Also, our rehet maryada tells us not to perform many functions like 'ring-ceremony', keeping fasts(karva-chauth) etc. I do not belive in any of these rituals, however these things are prevailing in my in-laws home, and if i refuse to follow them, it can lead to tensions or anger. Pl advice, do i strictly follow the rehet maryada and donot bother about my in-laws wishes or respect the elders and do what they say but in the heart follow just what Guruji has taught us.
thanks & regards.

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REPLY
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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh.
Keeping 5 Ks, keeping chaste outside /before marriage, avoiding intoxicants, and not eating meat are the key things Amritdharis must observe to be Amritdhari. While I don't personally believe that Guru actually told us we could not eat 'jootha' as amritdhari, eating jootha is not something that would require you to retake Amrit. So in that sense, you can relax a bit and not feel like you are BREAKING amrit to eat jootha.

However, I am concerned that you will feel a lot of pressure to conform to their non-Amritdhari ways. On the other hand, this boy may get the urge to take Amrit sometime in the future (after you are married), and it may be because you are consistent and devoted in your daily keeping of Amrit.

However, I urge you to as respectfully as possible make a stand for a marriage ceremony that does not offend you as Amritdhari. The many ceremonies common before Sikh marriages are not SIKH, they are Indian. Since you are one-half of this relationship I believe you have a right to make your opinions on YOUR marriage ceremony known. You are marrying a man, and acquring in-laws, but that does not mean you cease to exist. You are a princess of the Guru. Figure out what is really hard to do and what is not such a big deal (in the case of these extraneous ceremonies) and then suggest accordingly. I realize you have turned it over to God, but don't turn over to this family what is important to you, and your identity as well, dear.

Guru ang sang,
-DKK