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Summary of Question:	Confused About Marriage
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Monday, 1/09/2006 12:31 AM MST

First of all, I want to thank the moderators for an amazing job answering questions for confused youth like myself. I've referred to Sikhnet for advice in the past to figure out my problems and I'm sure I'll also receive the same for the most important decision of my life.

One of my concerns has been raised here numerous times before but I want to add something more to the caste system. I've recently met a guy through a matrimonial site and started talking to him over the phone. I'm not saying I definitely want to marry him as we hardly know each other but I tried preparing my parents just in case. They believe in the caste system and don't seem to want me to marry someone from a different caste. They rather have me marry someone from India (which I don't want) than marry someone from a different caste. When I asked my mom that why does she believe in the caste system when Sikhs are not supposed to believe in it, she asked me "why do Sikhs do other things they're not supposed to"? I did not have an answer to her question. I know she is right so how can I say anything about the caste when there are many Sikhs who drink and smoke among other things we're not supposed to do.

My other question is how can I tell for sure whom I'm supposed to marry. I like this guy that I've been talking to but I don't know if I should stop talking to him just 'cause he belongs to a different caste or continue talking to him as he might be the one? I'm very confused about this whole thing so any help would be appreciated!

Thank you & keep up the good work.

<<<<< REPLY >>>>>

Sat Nam! Whooo boy! " When I asked my mom that why does she believe in the caste system when Sikhs are not supposed to believe in it, she asked me "why do Sikhs do other things they're not supposed to"?" what a specious argument to justify prejudice. First of all, it's important to keep grace in your relationship. It's your parents' role to protect you from getting hurt, and that's a good thing. It's important to do things with grace. But as for marriage, if the husband and wife have different spiritual paths (notice I did NOT say "religions"), if they each follow a different dharma, then the marriage will be very, very hard. So it's not about caste. Caste is the past. Khalsa knows no caste. It is aboput what's important to you in your own spiritual life, i.e., in your relationship with God and Guru. That is where the harmony must lie in a marriage.

.....G