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Summary of Question:	Truly Stuck In The Middle! I Need Some Guidence
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Thursday, 4/01/2004 6:13 AM MDT

Hi I have found myself in a rather odd situation. I always try and do the right thing and make sure that everyone around me is ok and put them first. I come from a well respected family. My grandfather is in his early 80s and is a very highly respected figure.

The thing is he is a nice person but is always trying to hide a gambling problem he has from us but all his close family knows but other people who respect him so much do not know and we are told strictly not to tell anyone, to prevent shame happening to him. What he does is send cheques and postal orders to companies that claim he has a fortune but say he just needs to pay a bit more and so on, like them pyramid schemes. The post box is sometimes flooded with over 15 letters a day from such companies. My g.dad will then take them all and keep them in his suit pocket, then when the coast is clear (i.e. - when no one is around) he will start going through them and writing cheques and Postal orders to send money to them ALL. He has so many placed in his inner suit pockets that at times he sometimes rips the pockets due to the heavy weight. He has like a little kit, a diary, pen, cheque book, stamps and postal orders. He has been doing this for about 10 years at least now. He will sit inside a room, with the volume of the TV on low so he can hear if anyone is coming and can quickly hide all his stuff. He is supposed to be a full Amritarhi Sikh but he eats meat and will have a drink if some one offers. He used to do Paath like he is supposed but in the last few months has stopped. His daily routine will be to wake up at around 5-6am, “do Paath” as he tells everyone he does, but sometimes I think he doesn’t, put his suit on and tie up his Beard so he looks “smart” and then have tea then just sit in a room by himself all day as he wishes too and start looking at all his letters and stuff. All my little cousins have lost respect for him now and don’t like to play with him. My mum tries to avoid him by staying in different rooms from him until it is Roti or Chaa time.

The way I feel stuck is, my mother, father and close family all know but say just leave him be. They have tried to confront him and sometimes he gets scared and says he will stop and apologises or he will say what are you trying to do etc. He spends so much money on it. He asks me to go to the post office to get postal orders, stamps, and envelopes and post his letters but I just say to him ok I will in abit but never do to avoid it. My mum gets very upset with me saying that if he has asked me to that I should but I say to mum, “no I am just feeding his habit then”. Then she will get pissed off with me. I don’t what I should do? Should I go and pretend nothing is wrong or should I continue to avoid feeding his habit. He thinks less of me because I refuse to go deep down but doesn’t say anything to me. I feel really helpless, If I go mum is happy I’m doing as I’m told from g.dad and so is he but I feel bad because I’m feeding his habit, then if I don’t go I feel like I’m doing the right thing but letting them down if you what I mean.

I just wish my g.dad would just face the fact he’s getting old and not wear a suit all the time. I feel I should talk to him face to face about his problem and try and solve with him, take him to shops to dress him in some decent ‘granddad’ clothes rather than just wear suits all the time. He needs to stop worrying about people finding and stop it, chill out, sit back and enjoy life!

This is just the tip of the Iceberg as I can write loads more but it would take up so much space and time etc. Please help me with this situation; I can email any more details if required.
Thanks S.S

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Sat Nam!! Yes, you are in a very difficult situation. I guess you could say, "Well, he is old and will die in a few years anyway, so let him be." That is one attitude. Another attitude would be to help him clear his consciosness so he can be free of his karmas. This is the time of his life to be finishing up, so to speak and prepare to "go home." The thing about any addiction is that it is very difficult to break. The person has to want to do it. If your Grandfather doesn't recognize the importance, than it is probably impossible to help him. You can only do so much. You can't take on his karmas or feel responsible for him. Think about the possibility of talking with him privately and confronting him about his addiction. I would discuss it with him...does he see it as a problem, how does he feel about it, would he want to change it, does he want help? If he is resistant and not into it, then there is not much you can do. If finances are an issue...he is wasting the family's money, then something can be done about that. You can stop his access to his money, by putting a hold on his account or whatever. You may have to talk to an attorney about how to go about this. If money is not a problem and the family doesn't care about the money he is wasting, then you have done everything you can...and let it go. He'll probably have to face this problem again in his next incarnation. You always have your prayers. Blessings. GTKK