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Summary of Question:	Wanna Move Forward
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 3/30/2004 5:43 PM MDT

Hi veer je i have got a lot to ask and hope that u can help me move forward. first of all let me tell u a bit about my background. I come from a large family and am the youngest. i am male and 32 years of age Both of my parents are deceased and i have been arrange married for 10 years and have been divorced for 3 years beacause my wife was having endless affairs. All i can remember of my childhood is watching my mother and sisters been beaten up by my father and wasn't short of a few beatings myself. The main cause of this was due to my fathers drinking and gambling addictions. Despite all this i managed to get a good education at school and did really well at college too. My parents got me married at 19 and my wife had an affair with a muslim boy 2 years later, i seperated from her for 6 months but then reconciliated with her to save the shame to my parents because my other 8 brothers and sisters are happily married and i didnt want to become the black sheep of the family. Any way with all this going on i stayed with my wife for anothr 8 years till i found out she was having aother affair but this time when i confronted her she denied it.

A few weeks later my mother in-law went to India and on her return to the uk started to do weird rituals that i had never seen before and it scared the living daylights out of me. I refused to take any part in this so then they started to put a powdery substance in my food behind my back. Instantly veer i started to become mentally unwell. i was feeling like i was being tortured inside my own body and all my 5 senses were scrambled from being a sucessfull hydrolic engineer i became a wreck. i definatly feel that they were tampering with my soul and it was so frightning. I could no longer look after myself and didnt want to become a burden on my family so i attemted to kill myself. i ended up on a psyciactric unit and have been unwell for 3 years. Only recently have i felt myself that i am well again although there are some areas in me that need improvement like my memory and feeling a little low from time to time. I go to the gurdwara every week as promised to god if he ever made me well again. I feel so close to god now that it is amazing he is my everthing. I feel powerfull again. I am scared of going to work incase i get unwell again because it was so frightning. It was a very weird and evil experience. I have always been a strong and caring person and felt like i have the strenth an mind of 2 people. I have got this feeling back thank god. I live with my sister now and she is looking after me well and always pointing me in the right direction. some of my family have helped me so much through this difficult that i now feel that i am obligated to them in their future needs. some of my family didn't even give me a mere look in.

I am now single and have no children but find it very difficult to trust females anymore but cant stay single forever either or can i? I want to devote myself to god 100% and forget about everthing els but feel as though this might
be a little selfish towards my family.

I really appreciate what god has done for me and gave me a genuine second chance and this time i dont just want to throw it all away. i need to know what the right way forward is because i am so confused. if i wanted to get married again how would i go about it on my own without my parents aranging it and with very little support from my family. Please help me with my qeustions veer ji because my life really does depend on it, i need some direction to become confident again. Thankyou for taking the time to read this.


Guru fateh
(REPLY) Sat Nam. You have been through a very hard time, and it seems that now you are finally coming to be in a good place. I believe you need more time to feel settled and secure that you are going to stay well, rather than worrying now about marriage, I suggest you focus on doing well in your job, and by all means go to Gurdwara as often as you can, and spend time every day chanting God's Name. Read the banis every day, and try to understand the meaning of the words. There is great wisdom and guidance and comfort in Guru's words. You can even read the entire Siri Guru Granth Sahib on the SikhNet website (just go to the Home page to find the link.)You should not feel obligated to marry just to please your family! I don't know why you think it is "selfish" --- If it is God's will that you should marry, that opportunity will come to you. Again, please do not feel pressured or worry about marriage at this time. I think you probably need at least a year more to feel secure within yourself, maybe longer. May God bless you and Guru guide you. SP