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Summary of Question:	What Can Be Done To This Relationship
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 10/31/2001 10:22 AM MDT

waheguru ji ka khalsa

waheguru ji ki fateh

Last last year i started to know a guy but unfortunately he is not in a country from where i am living. We just get to know each other but after that we got separated but we were still in touch we were just complete stranger but everyday we talked for one to two hours we started to know much.

I mean every family things we know about. But we have never meet in person.
Soon we will complete almost two years and till now i will have change to see him in days. We both fight alot but no matter how much we will always come back again together to the same point because both of us never admit to really to stop talking and caring eachother. But we both are from different caste and i am from different i deeply know there will be a problem because our family considered caste as a very important position on the other hand
i myself also don't know to what extreme that this person need me in his life i just know i love this person alot and we both just always pray at least we will be with together. But there are so many problem regarding family and both side i love also and i don't want to hide like this as both hold a very important position in my life.

What can i do for this relationship to last ?

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REPLY
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Sat Siri Akaal. You can only tell so much about a person long distance. It is not the same as meeting them in person, and seeing who they are and how they live. Please don't be naive on this. I don't care what caste this fellow is, I
do not think it is realistic to expect a long-distance relationship to last; it has not been tested the way in-person relationships are tested. It is fine to care for another person here or there, but I do not think it is realistic to expect that your relationship now is a firm basis for a life together.

Also, marriage is not about whether he 'needs' you in his life or not, it's about how each of you can serve the other to grow and be the best you both can be. It is about character and commitment. "Need" should not be the basis for a lifetime commitment. Compatibility, shared vision, and personal understanding and compassion are required, not 'need'.

Is your query really about this fellow or about the fact that you haven't figured out how to tell your family? Each situation is different. I think you probably need to share this with your family, but how depends on you and your relationships therein. You cannot lie about it and you cannot hide it indefinitely. Be practical on this, don't live in your fantasies.
Guru ang sang,
-DKK