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Summary of Question:	Husbands Alcoholic Behavior
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Monday, 8/31/2009 1:56 PM MDT

what do you do when your life problems are so large and you have been fighting evil every single day for the past 13 years.

i am getting old and have less energy to fight off the bad things that happen to me in my life. i used to be young and pray everyday so that my problems become smaller. they have only been getting deeper and stronger.

my husband drinks all the time, no matter what time of day. he goes to work everyday. it has not affected performance yet. Sometimes takes a day off and doesnt tell me. he will go to a place and just drink all day with his friends.

i ask my husbands brother to help me and he tells me to calm down. if i ask other family, they say "that is life. i am so sorry, you have bad kismet." but they never take action. i told my husband to get help but he refuses.

i cannot leave him. my mother-in-law cares for children in the daytime when i work. i dont make much money. my parents wont let me divorce because they wont take me in. It doesn't look good in indian culture for a single mother. i have no support to leave. my mom in law says "its okay, he will change"

everyone just cover the siuation. at least my husband is nice to my kids. but, where do my prayers go? i have only seen it get worse. maybe i am praying wrong and it is worse? any case, i am not going to pray for him anymore. i used to pray 1/2hr for me, 1/2 hr for husband. but i have only been praying for me now for last 3 months. still i dont feel any better.

am i the only woman who is suffering like this? people always ask me why i dont come to weddings or parties. it is because i am ashamed of my husband. people make fun of me and talk garbage about us. i worry about my kids growing up and having same fate as me.

husband is not religious. i pray in secret or he is mad if he finds out.

he starts drinking more on purpose if he sees me pray. my god!
cursed is my life. plzz help in any way. even comforting words are nice to hear because no one gives me any help, no hope.

---reply----
Sat nam. Yours is a very heavy karma, my condolences. Understand that alcoholism is a disease: the body cells themselves are addicted and it takes a very strong will to say no. http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ can give you information on this, and there might just might be a chapter in India--I don't know. So that's the first thing, and yes indeed, many women, Sikh and non, have alcoholic spouses and extended family that don't seem to care.

Second, please pray and chant the naam whenever you can, perhaps on the way to work. Learn the Dhan Dhan Ram Das Gur shabd by heart and chant it all the time for a miracle to heal your life. I know Bhai Harjinder Singh has a CD by that name. In the end Spirit will get you through and your Spirit needs Gurbani right now. It will help you in making the right choices.

Third, think outside the box and draw upon your courage to do what you need to do, whether or not it is condoned in Indian culture. It cannot be any worse than your life now, can it. Would being single really be worse than what you experience now? What kind of household is it for your kids who see this? You think being divorced is worse for them than living with an alcoholic parent? Remember that the status quo is something we choose when we do not do anything else. Always there are choices, whether we see them or not, and always choices have pros and cons, and every choice has consequences both short and long term.

Fourth, is there somewhere outside the home you can go for a break, such as a Gurdwara? Also please get yourself time with women friends on occasion. You need support and your family doesn't seem to provide it.

It is my prayer that this situation be healed and that you and your family be healed in Guru's Light.
Guru ang sang,
DKK