Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	Me?!?
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Saturday, 10/29/2005 10:32 PM MDT

sat sri akal ji

first of all great job on this site. I really appreciate hwo much time and effort you guys put into this site. Great Job!

ok now to my problem...i m not really askin it from a religious point of view but from a personal level because i m sure u all are grown up and can give me some insight...well i m 17 year old punjabi gurl. my problem is that i dunt no myself sometimez. well to be more clear, sometimes i m fine, normal just like any other punjabi teenage girl with school, family, friends. but sometimes i feel sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo low about myself, i always find that "i m not gud enough"...sometimes i jus loose faith in myself to do things- all of sudden i feel i have no friendz, no family, i m failure in school, and overall not pretty or letz just say "skinny". one of reason i know for this is that until diz date no guy has ever been interested in me. it is not that important for me to have a boyfriend but it troublez me that noone has ever found me attractive. it makes me wonder why?...all of my friendz- nah close tho (shouldnt say this but some who are nah necessarily attractive in either in looks or personality) had someone who has been interested in them. buh no one ever has approached me. this troubles me. i remember one time in grade 8 i heard some guyz call me ugly but they dont know i heard them. it hurt me alott then but then i eventually got over it thinking they are immature. buh i m in grade 12 now and styll. buh diz is just one reason (only sometimes bother me not always) buh i dutn think diz it is. something more is causing me to feel so inferior in this world where such smart, beautiful and talented people live. i dont like talkin about this to anyone-friends or family because i dont want to show anyone that i m weak inside. according to them i m pretty much normal buh according to i m i m not. plz help me if u can
thank u
bye

(REPLY) Sat Nam. Just about everyone of your age has issues of lack of self-esteem, not enough self-confidence, etc. etc. The thing is, no one can make you feel bad about yourself unless you let them. What that means is that your sense of self-worth has to come from inside your own self. I don't care what you look like physically --- if you think of yourself as beautiful --- and feel that you are a divine manifestation of God (which is, in fact, true) then your projection will affect the perception of those around you. Many years ago we instituted an affirmation for girls and women to make them self-confident, graceful and successful, It is simply "I am the Grace of God." So long as you are focusing on NEEDING someone else to validate your worth, you are creating your own failure! That's why we talk about meditation, about reading from the Siri Guru Granth Sahib, reciting banis, etc, because everyone's happiness or unhappiness is dependent upon how they personally perceive themselves and the world around them. Instead of being insecure about not having a boy friend (frankly, having one is definitely not a guarantee of happiness, and in most cases ends up badly, because you're too young, and there's no commitment --- that's why the institution of marriage is so necessary. Anyway, that's another discussion.) You need to concentrate on perfecing your self in whatever skills or talents you may have that do not depend upon your "popularity" =--- What kind of service can you GIVE to the community? Is there some younger child or children who would appreciate your kindness and attention? You can continue all your life to feel like a victim, or you can change your attitude, and your life itself will change. Be kind and friendly to everyone, and don't have expectations, and you won't be disappointed. The purpose of life is to become more godlike -- as is expressed by Guru Nanak in the Mul Mantra --- at the beginning of Japji Sahib. Read it, and try to understand it, it is the key to the meaning of life. Many physically beautiful women are unhappy, because they don't know if they are valued for themselves, or just because of their appearance. God created you as you are, be the best you can be, and smile a lot. If you can learn to connect with your soul, that innermost part of your being, you will find joy and fulfillment, no matter what is happening on the outside! Furthermore, when you remember that God is breathing in you, has given you life (and that's a fact) please don't insult your Creator by feeling bad about what He created: YOU! May God bless you and Guru inspire you to elevate yourself out of emotion into devotion -- so that you can fulfill your highest destiny. SP