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Summary of Question:What Is The Meaning Of This
Category:Love & Marriage
Date Posted:Tuesday, 8/12/2008 11:53 AM MDT

Hi,Okay so this is my story, when I 16 I prayed to God to send me my soulmate, the one that i will spend the rest of my life... I am a traditional girl and I plan not to ever be with anyone else or share such deep feelings other then the guy that is written in my destiny to marry...this guy then came in my life, he was someone that i went to school with...nothing happened between us but everytime i would talk to him or see him i realized how he was so caring, and how he always use to joke around with everyone just those simple little things about him i started to admire...but there was something more to him (i don't know if this makes sense) when I would look at him, I could see something in his eyes that connected me to him at times it felt like i could see myself through him....i fell in love with him, would have done anything for him....the way i felt about him i've never felt with anyone else...without even seeing him or hearing his voice my heart could sense if he was near me or when he was about to walk into a room...without having him say anything i could sense if he was okay or if something was going on in his life....the thing was that he was a young teenage boy and seemed that he cared about me but then he would be flirting with other girls...and at that time me being a young teenage girl had insecurity issues and felt that i wasn't good enough for him, soon seeing him with other girls i was left heartbroken...he graduated and i had one yr left in high school in that 1yr i went through so much confusion, hurt, and depression, i had a best friend who at the end i found out i couldn't trustafter i graduated i decided to take time off to find myself to do some sould searching...the following three yrs went by and a day didn't go by when i didn't think about him...but at the same time i focused on putting my life back on track to understanding myself...i have always been a spritual and faithful person, but i devoted myself to God even more, I went to the Gurdwara and would listen and understand the meaning of the words to the kirtan, i learned Rehraas sahib, Sukhmani Sahib, Chaupi Sahib, and Kirtan Sohila...I would do seva...and i took yoga classes and i became a better person having more love and understanding, not holding any grudges as yrs have gone by i have grown as person and feel blessed with everything God has given to me.it has been four yrs and in between things have happened, nothing directly between the two of us but people telling me things and telling him things and also the fact that i have always seen him talking or flirting with other girls, it seems that he still hasn't matured he's young and likes to party, etc. and by seeing him with other girls i've just accepted that he doesn't feel the same way...now at the age of 20 I have come to point to not worry to trust that everything happens for a reason...i am willing to move on with my life...deep down i do care about him and even if he doesn't feel the same way I pray for all the happiness in the world for him and his family...we live in the same town so i see hime once in awhile but we don't talk, i said hi to him once but it turned out he was saying hi to someone else...one day i was at college studying in the library and all of a sudden i had that feeling that i had when i could sense he was near me, but then i thought he doesn't even go to this school what would he be doing here so i just brushed it off...to my surprise after i finished studying i went outside and he was standing there talking to some people he knew and i was supriesed that all these yrs later i could still feel this waythe thing is we are a bit different from each other, he is very outgoing and socialble, as i am shy and less outgoing...i have goals in my life for my career...i have accepted that he might not be the one that i am meant to marry that i should move and enjoy life and focuse of what is to come....but whats confusing is that my heart at times never seems to agree with what i'm thinking, that it's telling me that he does and at times i think about listening to m


y heart but then i afriad that what my heart is telling me is wrong...then there are times where i am living my life and moving on and thinking of other things and see him as something in the past and then i'll go to sleep and have dreams about him and then i'll wake up all confused what i want to know is what is the meaning of all of this what is the meaning of him coming into my life and for me to feel this way


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REPLY
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Dear Kiran,

Most people go through life meeting beautiful souls and having some very interesting connections, and it is never just one person. It sounds to me that your particular connection is very deep and beautiful and it is not uncommon. We go through many, many life times meeting the same people over and over again playing different roles for one another and developing deep histories together.

Sometimes we comeback for dozens of life times just to marry the same person over and over again because we want to perfect our relationship with them. All of these connections are very dear to us but since every life time we forget what we did in the past we don’t know exactly why we are having this interesting experience in the present. We don’t know whether what we are feeling is just there to appreciate this other person’s existence or actually have a real lasting relationship with them.

What you are describing could be very well your destiny but the timing is not right. In that case time and space will put you face to face when you are both ready.
Women mature a lot faster than man. Women have stronger intuitive capacity than any man. So it does not mean that he is feeling anything of what you are and recognizing the connection, hence all the other girls in his life. When his time is right he may wake up to it. On the other hand just like you said we can not wait for ever for someone not knowing if you are supposed to be together.

Some relationships may start out with a great connection of this kind but not last because people are not mature enough to handle the commitment or childishly feel that they have the right to hurt the other person. When the Guru keeps you apart like that …perhaps because you both may not be able to handle it or will have the tendency to destroy each other. Earthly personalities can be very different than the truth of our essence within our soul. If you are recognizing the depth and purity of his sould you maybe forgetting that his earthly self may not be a match to you at all.

Unfortunately these kinds of connections happen even if we had a horrible relationship with this person for many life times too and the contract sometimes not to be together anymore but to just get over each other so you won’t hurt one another anymore. Horrible relationships are full of love too. Love is always underlying all. When we hurt each other it means we either try to learn a lesson or teach a lesson, but neither one is a conscious choice. In this case the Guru may want to protect you from that too.

The best relationships in life are the easy ones, the ones that come to you. You don’t have to chase anyone. Remember the flower never chases the bee. It always waits or the bee to come and enjoy her beauty.

You may see the light of his soul and something in you may recognize his radiance and his strength and his great potential as a man etc. … but you always have to remember that he has to be able to recognize all those things in you too. And if he does not, then he may not be for you. It is best to evaluate all the things he would want to give you willingly than be in love with someone’s potential.

It is better to marry someone with less of a connection but with a great consious commitment to develop that kind of connection than wait for this connection to transform into a commitment. Do you see how it works?

Conscious need for commitment has to come first and it needs to be born in him and you on your own. He needs to be ready on his own. Otherwise you will wind up being the person in his life who constantly tells him what to do and how to be. Mutual commitment coming from mature point is the only thing which will help you move mountains together.

My advice is just to live your life the best you can. Do a lot of fun stuff and enjoy every day. And before you know it the right person will be right there in front of you and you will be amazed how easy everything will happen for you when you are ready.

I hope this clarifies things for you a bit.

DK



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