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Summary of Question:	Self Blame
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Saturday, 1/24/2009 1:20 AM MST

WaheGuru Ji ki Khalsa Waheguru ji Ki fateh,

For the past five years i have been a victim of being emotionally taken advatage of by people, especially girls. I hate using the word victim, but i dont know how else to explain it in other words. I really do try to make the most of everything and to deal with life problems and so on. but things really dont get better, even when i try to stay positive, upbeat,and outgoing, memories of how i was put down come back as flashbacks, and it hinders me from being a normal college student, but most importantly just enjoying my life. The problem with me is that i am overly nice, and am too forgiving towards people. I have the tendeny to act somewhat as a pushover, which causes me to be very innocent and vulnerable. Its a ntaural habit for me to make excuses for why people are rude or are just plain mean. I really try to be nice to girls, because i understand that we live in a competitive society where girls need to put down each other to have better self confidence and mark their superior status. I underatand that insecurities and jealousy causes girls to be mean, but what can i do to stop being a target of it? In situations of being a target of this type of behavior from girls, i have been singled out and girls would make rude sarcastic remarks towards me by saying things under their breath, or give dirty looks. However i blame myself for why girls are mean towards me, but on the other hand i am angry for girls walking all over me and being manipulative. And im angry for why girls judge and are quick to have opinions on me and dont put themselves in my shoes. And cuz of this i have been given a bad reputation and girls continue to be catty. I always put myself in someone elses shoes before i make an opinion on them and in how i treat them. Please is there any advice to fix this, or is it just me. am i to blame for why this happens to me?
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reply
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Dear one, You allow people to treat you this way. Try having more self esteem. The girls are not your problem. Your thinking is your problem. Since the mind is a trap for everyone, at least feel at ease that you are normal in this problem.
Good thing is that you see what is happening and you want to change. This is great. I reccomend the Bani Of Guru Gobind Singh. You will strengthen your radiant body, your self esteem and overcome your negative mind. There is a great Yoga set you can do, called bowing Jaap Sahib. For now, you must recite Benti Chaupaii ELEVEN times a day for the next 4o days (no breaks), If you can do this while doing Pantra or brisk walking, all the better. Take a break frim the "girls" and work on being a good friend to yourself and Guru.
Bless you,
Sk