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Summary of Question:love
Category:Love & Marriage
Date Posted:Tuesday, 4/13/1999 3:58 PM MDT

(Below, there are two replies for this question).

Okay im in love with this guy. I think he is perfect for me. We started going out but now he doesnt care. I love him soooo much and i dont think i can live without him. He says that he only sees me as a friend and that we live too faraway from each other that our relationship would never work. Me and him are 18 years old. I was wondering if i believed hard enough and prayed (which i do everyday) maybe God would make him feel the same way about me.
Sat Nam, Yes, you can pray, but be careful what you pray for, you're liable to get it. If this man is right for you, it will happen, but if not, better that is doesn't! Being "in love" is a most powerful emotion, and at 18 it seems totally overwhelming and seems permanent. But as almost anyone over 30 will tell you, that feeling doesn't last. One thing for sure, you can't force anyone to feel the way you want them to. The only person you have any control over is yourself. If you're smart, you'll pray for what is best for you, and be grateful for whatever happens. God gave you life to experience youself as an elightened human being, so whatever seems painful now, in the long run, God will give you what you really should have. Ask God to guide you to your best destiny! Remember, everything is God's will,, so whatever comes, take it as a blessing. People come and go, people change, their feelings change. Only thing that lasts forever is the eternal Truth of your soul, and you'd be smart to focus on that. Offer your pain and suffering to the Guru when you bow at the Gurdwara. Read from Siri Guru Granth Sahib whenever you can, and listen to the wisdom so you can get some perspective on your life. I wish you well! Blessings, SP.

Second Reply:
Dear Beautiful Daughter of the Guru,
Sat Nam, ji. Your honesty is very wonderful and, while I am much older, an adult male Sikh of the Guru, in my life also I have thought that I was in love many times. And, even though I am not going to agree with what you want to do, I hope that you will consider honestly what I say.

You are having an experience of your heart and your life beginning to open, it is one of life's inevitabilities with young people, and I support you having your experience of "being in love" in a very honest way, in order to learn and grow into the loving person and mature woman that you are destined to become.

Please consider this story: You are riding in a taxi cab on a freeway, going 55 miles an hour (that's the speed limit, you may have to translate to kilometres per hour). All of a sudden, the taxi driver has a heart attack (God bless him, now he can't drive any longer). And, there are three other passengers with you. A small child of about 6 years of age. A blind man, who is sitting right next to the driver. And third, your school teacher who is a woman who also knows how to fly an airplane. Now tell me, of these four passengers (including yourself), who would you want to take the steering wheel and steer the cab to a safe place and then start driving the taxi driver to the hospital?

Are you ready to do that? Would you want the young child to do it? Would you want the blind man to do it? Isn't the answer pretty obvious? Who's is left but the woman school teacher who is a very skilled driver and very experienced in many kinds of situations? She is intelligent, has great compassion for the driver and also the other passengers who are now in danger, and she is willing to do whatever it takes to make the situation right. At least for me, she would be my choice.

There are two main kinds of popular love songs. The first kind is about the kind of experience you are having. In those songs they say, "Oh, I'm in love with someone, it's so incredible, I don't know what I'm going to do." But, this kind of love is also not very smart, it makes alot of mistakes. If you want direct evidence of that, then listen and pay attention to the other kind of popular love songs: they're so sad, it didn't work out, "You broke my heart," "What happened?", "This must be the end of the world." Do you know what I mean?

It is often said about love, particularly the kind of love you are describing, that "love is blind." Now, if you didn't want the blind man to start driving the car, then why would you want "blind love" to drive your Kaur? Your heart is opening, you are becoming a woman, love and tender feelings are a gift to be nurtured, but your intelligence and spiritual intuition must rule. Intelligence respects love, it doesn't want to snuff it out, but it doesn't blindly follow love, it guides it.

If you think about the woman school teacher in the taxi cab, the one who is mature, intelligent, knows how to do many things, can even fly an airplane, you must know in your life a great woman like that whom you can trust. I'm asking you to think for a moment, identify that woman (or even several trusted women in your life), and go to her and talk to her from your heart about your questions. I'll guarantee that she was once exactly the same age as you and she has experienced exactly the same feelings as you. They are universal.

Some people make inappropriate choices while feeling "in love," they get burned and never want to go there again. But, again, this intelligent, mature understanding woman you know has had these experiences, and I'm sure she would speak to you in just the right way to help you become the kind of intelligent woman that she is. You really only have to ask, be honest, and grow. And your dreams of love can come true, even though it might not be with the particular person you are projecting them on right now. Based on what this young man has said, he is probably right, it's not going to work out.

But you are lucky because to you got to ask a question. So continue by asking the Guru to guide you to the right intelligent woman, ask the Guru to guide her in how to guide you, continue to listen to your heart, and be great! What could be better than that? And you will become wise, you will have a happy life, and love is your future. First love Truth, Spirit and a good heart, and then love people who love that also (and act accordingly). You don't have to pray for this situation you're in right now to match your dreams. If you seek intelligence and your Grace of God as a woman, and maintain your faith, the right person to love and share your love with will come to your life. Guru will see to that also. Guaranteed.

So, dear daughter of the Guru, by Guru's Grace this is the very best answer that I am able to offer you. Perhaps others can say more to help you with your question. May you be blessed.

P.S. I wrote this response while the first response, above, was also being written. And, as I see now, the advice from a Khalsa woman has already come to you. She is right. Blessings. (Do you see how the Guru can work to produce a result? Don't stop having faith in Him.)

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