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Summary of Question:Becoming A Sikh
Date Posted:Sunday, 7/17/2005 12:19 PM MDT

Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh,

first of all once again id like to thank you all for the seva you provide it is totally priceless.

I just need some advice, and i have alreay decided that my decision will be based entirley on your response.

I currently have a short beard and cut my hair i dont eat meat , drink alcohol or smoke etc, im 19 and at uni, after reading more about sikhi and doing paath, i want to be more part of sikhi and i have realised that to be part of it i need to keep my hair and wear a turban. But when i told my parents, they flipped, my dad said it would be very bad for the family business as people will not deal will us because they are more racist to people with turbans, also my older brother has a turban and has had no problems with people, but my dad cuts his hair and is clean shaven so my dad feels embaressed if both his sons have a turban.

My dad has said lots of horrible stuf to me because of my intenions, but everytime i give in to him, its been over a year and i keep thinking ill keep my turban later in life. Now i 'had' decided to keep my turban from the day i get married, at least then i can have a better position to go against my dads wish. But when i went to see my cousins in bham whose whole family are all amritdhari sikhs (3 generations, my dads sisters family) and i saw how much i was missing, i learnt so much from my cousin who is a year younger and at there home there is so much peace i felt as if i was in heaven because all they did was tell me things about the sikh faith, he told me that i was stupid to ponder over the decision of wearing a turban and said that i should immediatley because its what the guru wants not what your parents want.
My brother said to keep it but then he said he wasnt sure because he wanted to keep the peace in our family, as my dad drinks and eats meat and is very bad tempered and weve had loadsa probs in the past with him and to be honest he is kinda scary.

SO basically my question is that , should i wait til my wedding ( which hasnt been arranged) to keep my kesh or should i do it now>?

Please advise, i spent hours looking for a similar result on the forum and could not find anything so please forgive if it was done before.


God is with you. I can feel the pain and confusion you are in. First of all, this is your decision and your consciousness...not mine. I will ask you some questions, which will hopefully help you see things more clearly... but ultimately it is you who have to live with your decision, not me. Who do you respect and want to be like, your Father or your Dad's sisters family? Who would you trust? Are you living for your father or yourself? Are you wanting to save your father's face or your honor? Who are you? What identity do you want? What do you want to be known for? Are integrity, honesty and character values important to you? Is it fair to a girl to be without a turbin before marriage and then put one on after? Does she deserve to know who she is marrying before she marries him? What kind of a father to you want to be? The person you are now will shape the father you are becoming. In 20 years, are you going to look at your self in the mirror and say, "My God, I have become my father" or will you say, "I am the Guru's son, and I am so grateful and proud to be so." Now, you go make up your own mind and don't worry about your father's opinion. Truth is Truth...right is right. Guru is with you and will help you be strong. Blessings. GTKK

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