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Summary of Question:To mingle or not?
Date Posted:Saturday, 5/22/1999 3:10 PM MDT

Please show my question and answer on the web.

In society if a girl is talking to a guy it is considered as if there is something else going on more than a friendship. I never have talked to a guy unless a cousin even as a friend. Wht is there a double standard like this? Even friends can not talk because of what is assumed. That is one of the reasons I do not talk to them. My friends think that I am totally blowing this out of proportion. What do you think?


Dear Loveleen,

It is a control issue plain and clear, It has always been an issue of control. But, sometimes with good reason asnot all men are created as honorable as the next. These kinds of cultural situations or habits stem from a protection point of view. A young woman may be convinced into doing something that may be completely innapropriate to her age or status. I dont mean to suggest that women are not intelligent enough to figure it out for themselves, but the fact is that men are territorial at the genetic level and in some societies it is more obvious than others. For instance if you think that it is not occuring in western countries as well then you are mistaken, it happens to a much lesser degree but it still happens. Western women have historically had more opportunity to fight against these sort of control issuues due to a laxity in religious and cultural beliefs. You might be surprised to know that in Italy young women whether married or unmarried were not really expected to leave the house ever. Does that not sound a liitle like the Muslim beliefs, even when these young women left the house they had to wear ugly very loose fitting clothes as the women of Islam wear the Chador. So you see that yes it isa a double standard, but it does have some cultural and genetic reasoning behind it, and although it may be taken to an unneccesary level in some societies. You seem like an very intelligent young woman. My suggestion is that you talk to your friends as long as you are clear in your mind what kind of path you are going to take with it. Hold youself with grace strength and dignity and then those that would seek to cause you harm by rumors or by innuendo, will be wrong in suggesting the things they might be suggesting. They will show that they only intend to harm the name and reputation of some young woman just to see her fall, which in my suspicion I suppose is the reason they ever open their mouths in the first place. Keep up and be Strong. Remember as long as you are righteous and honest Guru will be behind you.

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