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Summary of Question:	Regret
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Friday, 2/04/2000 3:23 PM MST

Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa Wahe Guru ji ke fateh - Please could you help me,

I live with shame and self discust about my life so far. I have smoked, had sex with women and constantly had lustful thoughts about women. I still occassionaly drink. I sometimes convince myself that i will be forgiven, sometimes i feel that i dont deserve to be forgiven as i still have lustful thoughts. I am in a cycle of relapse. When i think of god i really feel blessed but do not understand the almighty. I have everything in life but not enough of god. I sometimes cry even when i listen to kirtan or pray. What should i do? I really feel suicidal at times. I am not at peace

***** Reply *****

It's about your own relationship to your own soul. It doesn't have to do with anyone else. Everone has to look in the cosmic mirror sometime. Some people wait until death, when looking in that mirror is unavoidable, but those who are blessed get a good look early and see themselves with no illusions, no rationalizations, no blame, no excuses and no veils. Just absolute truth.

If you can look in that mirror with an open heart and love what you see, and feel blessed and grateful, then that is all you need. Everything and everyone else will fall into place naturally.

If not, then you have some work to do.

It's the work of getting straight with yourself.

If you make that work your priority, then you have your priorities straight and life will unfold for you in harmony with your purpose here. God is inside you. You are God. There is nothing to understand. You have given your head to the Guru, so you have no head. You have a heart. Learn to love yourself. You cannot find God. It is a joke! You cannot understand God. You are working on the wrong task. It is impossible. Just make yourself so divine, so loving, so giving and so beautiful that God will love to come and sit in your lap.

That means you have to meditate and develop your relationship with your own soul. Click here for some instructions on how to do this ->

.....G