Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	Losing Father, Marrying A Cousin
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Saturday, 9/01/2001 8:49 AM MDT

Wahe Guru ji ka Khalsa

Wahe Guru ji kI Fateh
I am a Gurusikh and regularly do my path beside of my busy shedule,I am Web Administrator in a Multinational Company and getting good package, I am basicaly from middle INDIA but I am working in New Delhi. which means I am am away from my home town. I am very much depresed from the life because I have two problems in my life:

1) On 15 July 2001, my father died in an road accident. I realy respect and love my father very much, because as he treated me as a friend and as well as a son. He was very supportinve his faimly and did not care of anything, he was a very relegious person, He used to hold relegios cermony every Saturdays and every Sundays, because his thinking was that we as person, spend our seven days of weak in just going behind the Money (MAYA). and we are not giving attention towards the God (Waheguru) who has given us the precious life to live and get good things etc etc. He always encourage people of the society to gather and do the Simran and kirtan, so we started the Kirtan ever Saturday and everyone participated in it from 9:00 PM to 12:30 AM. And on Sundays we started doing Simran from 7:30 PM to 8:30 PM, i.e is for an hour. and so on. what more there are many good things about him, more and more.... I just wanna know that why god call the good and his wise men so early? WHY? I am very much depressed....


2) As you have read the whole paragraph, you must have been getting a rough idea of my position now. The second problem of mine is that I am in love and the girl to whom I love is my very close cousin, but we dont think eachother as cousins. I love her from my childhood and she is the one who encouraged me to go and get the good feom the World, She encouraged me and I did my best to get good job, She is very innocent and she is very good to heart. But the problem is that she is my close cousin, she also love me as much I love her, we both are deap in love, from our emotions.

I wanna know that can we marry each other according to the relegios rules and regulations, because our love is very true and very pure. Can u tell me that "Is someting given in "SHRI GURU GRANTH SAHIB" so that I can give an example to her parents about? Can u give a reply to me? I am in a very hard times of life. but I am asking this beecause her parents are searching a guy for her. so please give me reply as soon as possible so that I can get out of this problems, I always do the Path and listen Kirtan also in the office timings. Please reply me I will be very Thankfull to you for your kind and good help.

*******
REPLY
*******

Sat Siri Akal Ji:

1. Your father's time had come.It is as simple as that. It is not about God taking the good people and leaving the bad. Guru tells us that we have but a short time here, and our work here is to remember God. This your father did. It is time for you to let him go from your mind, let your ATTACHMENT go. You must recognize that losing a parent you are close to is a big deal. Your depression is understandable but it appears you are wallowing in it. Find others who can be your friends and mentors, in your work, gurdwara community, or extended family. Remember that Siri Guru tells us that attachment to family is not the way to be. We can love them, sure. But attachment to them will only make our hurt last longer. Siri Guru tells us that the only attachment is to the Guru's lotus feet. So keep up your paath and practice Naam Simran to cool and calm your emotions/lift you from your depression.

2. Marrying a cousin is a problem if your DNA is similar. I do not know if she is what we call a first cousin (the daughter of your mother or father's sibling). If SHE IS, then your children are at risk, due to similarities in your bloodlines. If she is a first cousin, I think you should let go of her and let her parents marry her to someone, since you do not want to put children at risk.

If she is a 'second' or 'third' cousin, then get a genetic test (both of you) and find out if your DNAs are compatible for purposes of marriage.

There is nothing in Siri Guru about marrying or not marrying cousins. The reasons cultures worldwide prohibit or prevent inter-family marriages is that it weakens bloodlines and can cause offspring to be at much higher risk for genetic diseases, as well as a generally weak immune system. Please search this forum using keywork 'cousin' or 'marrying cousin' for a similar post on this topic.

Guru ang sang,
-DKK