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Summary of Question:	Being Forced To Take Amrit To Be Married
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Friday, 4/28/2006 8:05 PM MDT

My boyfreind and I have been dating for four years now. I am still in college. He is ready to get married, I am not. (My parents do not know about him). But he asked me something that I am very confused about, he says that I have to take amrit before we get married. I do not think i am ready to take amrit. I feel like he is pressuring it on me. am i being wrong? This is a lil more personal but he wants me to wear a kacchara, I dont feel comfortable doing this. I feel like it is harder for a woman to wear one than it is for a man. I just don't know what to do, I don't want to lose him, but how do i make him understand that I'm not ready for Amrit.

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Sat nam. Your basic instincts are spot on correct. No one should take amrit before they feel consciously ready to do so. There are some Sikhs who believe that an amritdhari cannot marry an un-baptized Sikh. We take the view that this is extreme because it has the potential to force people to take Amrit who are not ready and that it was not the intent of the 10th Guru. Your boyfriend needs to ease up. And you must stand up for yourself on this rather than think it's Amrit or lose him. If you cannot agree on this fundamental aspect of Sikhi and your relationship, then perhaps you should reconsider what that means for marriage.
Amrit is not about 5 Ks for the sake of 5 Ks. It is a very sacred vow and there are karmic consequences of taking amrit and ignoring it or only following it superficially, which do not apply to unbaptized Sikhs. So don't take Amrit till you are ready!
PS: The first thing you probably need to do is come clean with your folks!
Guru ang sang,
-DKK