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Summary of Question:	Advise Needed, Help Please
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Saturday, 2/28/2004 4:30 PM MST

My girlfriend split up with me a few days ago, she told me that she didnt have any feelings for me anymore. We had been together for just over a year and got on very well from the start, we both just seemed very happy together and even started talking about the furture and making plans.

However she started uni in september of last year and since she started she hasnt really enjoyed her course, got on with her flat mates or enjoyed the life style at all. For the first few months that she was at uni, we as a couple were great and we became even closer and we talked about me moving up and getting a flat together were she was at uni. She was still unhappy at uni but wanted to be with me. Then She experienced some family loses and uni became harder for her due to a number of reasons, and her problems from when she was younger came out. She became very depressed and started getting professional help, to start with she used to talk to me about her problems and we would talk about it and she would let me try and help her.

Although over the last few weeks she has made some friends up at her uni and is abit happier, but she feels in order for her to make uni work she says she cant see me anymore, she says we have driffted apart and she has changed. She says she hasnt met anyone else and hasnt cheated on me and i trust her on that. However i am just finding it differcult because i dont really understand how she can go from being very much in love with me to saying she feels nothing for me after nothing has really changed between us.

I still love her a great deal and i want to be with her and help her though her problems, she has stopped talking to me about her feelings and when i ask her how uni and things are she just says fine and shuts me out, she is at a music uni and her family keep pressuring her to stay and see if it will work out, she has wanted to be were she is since she was very young. She is very confused and sometimes she would say i am gunna stay and maybe i could move up and then other times she would say it aient worth it i want to leave and be happy again.

Do i just have to expect that maybe to doesnt love me anymore? i just feel as if she is very confused and maybe using it as an excuse to make it easier on herself. Can anyone give me any advise on this?? Please.

(REPLY) Sat Nam. Are you both Sikhs? Do you believe in marriage? I know in this modern day and age, people have intimate relationships, they live together and that seems acceptable with most of society, but I'm sorry, it's contrary to the ethics and standards of the Sikh religion. And almost inevitably it leads to broken hearts. One of the reasons why we believe in marriage is because marriage is a sacred commitment, and it's based on more than "being in love" Being in love is wonderful, but what most young people experience, is attraction,and then attachment, and it almost always leads to the kind of pain you are experiencing. In your situation, I don't think you can do anything except pray for your girlfriend, and let her go through what she apparently has to go through. Please don't be dependent upon her for your happiness. Do you ever read your banis? Do you attend Gurdwara? You know, on SikhNet Home page you can find a link to the entire Siri Guru Granth Sahib. I think it would help you a lot to read it, and get some perspective on the purpose of life. I know you are suffering now, and I'm sorry. Perhaps your suffering will lead you to look inward toward your soul to find peace of mind. We can't force other people to love us, and without the commitment of marriage, you have no security at all in a relationship. God bless you. SP