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Summary of Question:	Greedy Husband
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 1/21/2003 9:36 AM MST

Sat Sri Akal:)

I have this problem with my husband.. This Feb will make four years in marriage.. He changed so much.. I went to get married in India,, he was so nice .. that i thought i was blessed .. Everything was him.. Even though i only tstayed in India for two weeks after marrying him.. ( we didn;t really have a chance to get to one another i only met him one week before marriag).. Okay even in India i didn't really realize this ,, But i was doing all the spending ,,even eating in a resturant, shopping,, going to his nanke and so on.. i did all the spending.. i guess he thought and his parents thought since i came from America... well,, it took him a year and half & and half to get here.. mind you... i had been sending him money.. clothes for him and his family,,, everything from head to toe.. even a V.C.R. which he wanted me to send.. but his parents never appreciated.. so anyway he came and i had rented a strect limo so that we can all go and pick him up from the airport.. we lived with our parents for one and half years.. and from that point he stated to show his greedness towards.. for the first 3 months that he stayed home i took him out he bought whole bunch of stuff that he wanted to send his parents and his neighbor back home.. which i payed.. then when he got a job and i got pregnant..he wanted a car which he wanted to pay for,,, i said well i will put half.. then he said my parents never gave us a reception party which my parents were waiting the right time.. and they gave us one.. All that time he lived with my parents.. not once he put a dime in their hands..and he never brought anything for the house... and my parents could not stand his stubborness .. so i had the baby girl.. i am so glad god bless me for this precoious child.. no we are living on our own.. he feels since i am making more than him.. i should be paying for the rent,.. cable,,, telephone.. which i don't use.. i have my own responsiblities like getting grocery..baby things for the baby.. and also since i live close to my parents they take care of her while we work.. how much can he expected.. no he is saying i don't do anything... i do anything for the hous.. mind u.. even if once in a blue moon.. i tell him to pick up gallon of milk he has big fight was me.. he fells like that is not his responsiblitie...also he is always compare me to other girls.. the other day.. he told me that i should of buy a house.. i am no good for him.. i don't take him out or put him in a school.. he feels like i should be the man of the house he shouldn't do a thing.. even if we are off together on a weekend all we do is fight b/c he stayed up to 3:00 watching Dvd's and t.v.. and he gets up like after 12:00 if i wake him.. he doen't take care the baby.. he never washed . changed her clothing.. took her out.. or never brought her anything.. and he tells he is going to take her to india. and leave her with her dada and dadi.. imy parents loves here to death (the only grandchild).. and he only takes his clothes to the laundry and leaves mines to the side.. also if their is any dishes left in the sink ,, it could be sitting their for two days and he would not touch.. he only watches his dishes.. he never cleans the house.. and i feel like we are living as roommates not as husband and wifes.. i don't want to go threw this anymore.. even my parents have spoken to him several times. he it doesn not work.. Pleas help me...

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You are an American raised girl; your husband is Indian raised. Your expectations and cultures are very different. You are right you shouldn't have to put up with this any longer. So, use your anger and disappointment to propell you to do something about it. First and most importantly, I would find out if your husband wants to work things out. If he does, talk to him about what you need and expect in a marriage. Yes, that should have been done before marriage, but as it wasn't, do it now. Ask what he wants and needs in a marriage. See if these things match in any way. Talking openly will give you both an idea about what each of your expectations are. If you can't come to any agreements, then you will have to make a decision about whether to stay together or not. You are in a much better situation than he. You are American, you have a good job, you have your parents to help you. You will be OK. It sounds like he has much less going for him. If he will go for marriage counseling, that would be best, because then you can have a neutral professional helping you figure things out. Let me know how it goes. [email protected]. Blessings, GTKK