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Summary of Question:	Re: Dilemma
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Saturday, 11/06/2004 7:22 PM MDT

WJKK WJKF

I would just like to say to the person who wrote the "Dilema" posting that he is not alone.

I too was in his situation but I wasn't and am an not engaged! I had started to develop a great passion for sikhism and prayed to Guru Maharaj-ji that he embraces me. With his blessings I managed to grow my beard and kesh and started to wear a dastaar. Living in a dominant white community this was not at all easy especially afetr 9/11 but still I perservered and the more I prayed the more resilient I became. I started to do as much naam simran as I could and got more and more deeper into Gursikhi. At this time I had been a strict veggie for 8/9 years (no alco or cigs either).

I Know how you feel when you meet Amritdharis, I too used to feel that same admiration thinking how blessed they are.

My extended family, cousins and people around me thought I was a freak and thought someone had done black magic on me because they all are clean shaven eat/smoke/drink etc.

My parents were ok with me keeping kesh, daari and wearing dastaar because they knew I wanted it and it made me happy. They have only ever wanted my happiness.

For 3 years I prayed atleast twice daily to be blessed with Amrit. Each Vaisakhi I would cry because I too wanted to be Khalsa. Each Diwali I cried, I rememeber lighting a Jyot and weeping so bad begging Sri Guru Gobind SinghJi for his name, begging for Amrit I said "Raaje maharaje ya nu ta tussi Gwalior de kilhe vicho shadaalya si, par tussi mainu is narak di nadari vicho khado rihaa karonge?!" ("you freed all those kings from the caves of Gwalior, but when will you give me parole from this sinful environment)

When I would bring up the subject of taking Amrit my parents were hesitant. They would say that "you are doing fine as you are" or "well what will you do when you get married? / it will be hard to get married / wait till you find your partner" they didn't mean any malice but they were concerned that im rushing into taking Amrit.

Anyway, this summer we went to India for a holiday and visited Sachkhand Takht Sri Hazur Sahib Abchulnagar. I knew that this was my calling. I prayed to God and begged Dataarji for Amrit. I explained to my parents that I want to take Amrit, again they said the above. But when I looked my Father in his eyes and said "Dad, I have prayed for three years for this day, I am not rushing into this, this IS what I want". He looked back at me with tears in his eyes and said "Go for it Son, I won't lay any stones in your path". I didn't sleep much that night because the following morning I had to go to Darbar Sahib at Sachkand and report to the Mukh Sevadaar to tell him I wanted to take Amrit.

I was told to report for 6.30am and that an announcement would be made asking for people who want to take Amrit, it was at this announcement that I should stand up and present my plea. I arrived at Sachkand just after 6am and waited and waited and waited and waited .. there was no announcement. It was nearly 7.15am when I went to the sevadaars and asked them what was happening. I was told that I was too late and that the "moment had passed".

My heart sank. I pleaded with them and told them what I was told and how I did everything what I was told to do but no announcement was made. I was told to come another day and an announcement would be made then.

Well for a moment I just froze, but then I glanced at Guru Maharaj-ji's bheer and I got such an uplift. I went back to the sevadaar and repeated what I had already said and stated that it was not my fault. Word got to the head priest who performs the daily seva at Sachkhand who had instructed me the night before to come in at 6.30am. This sevadaar is known as Babaji at Sachkand and doesn't speak to anyone in the morning till after 12 when all the morning prayers and rituals have been performed. The sevadaar told Babaji that I was here for Amrit. I was made to stand at the front and was on trial infront of the whole sangat. Babaji used his hands and facial expressions to communicate with me and the sevadaar. He asked me to come the following day because more sikhs are required. I replied that I was due to catch the next train back to Punjab in the morning. The sevadar asked me if I could extend my stay. I replied that I could, at the cost of me and my parents staying extra time and buying new train tickets and I explained that our flight was in a weeks time (there was fear during those days that the trains would stop due to a de-railed train a few days before)

Babaji instructed the sevadaar to ask me what I wanted. I replied with folded hands "I want to be blessed with Amrit" there was silence in the sangat. The sevadaar said that they needed a miniumun of 5 sikhs before they can do Amrit Parchaar, and also they were busy with the procession af taking Maharaj-ji's Bheer to Amritsar (it was during the 400th anniversary) Babaji instructed the sevadaar to make an announcement asking if anyone else wanted to take Amrit, which he did, I looked at the sangat and they all bowed their heads and no-one stood up to the call. The sevadaars looked at me and said "no-one is coming forth" I smiled and put my hands together and said "but I do" Babaji smiled back at me and shook his head trying not to laugh. Babaji looked at the sevadaars and gave a secret signal. The sevadaars didnt move they were in disbelief, Babaji gave the signal again and then the Mukh sevadaar took the microphone speaker and said to me when I had my head bowed down : -
"Gurmukha ... Ve gurmukha mai tere naal gal karda ya! Aj sadhe das (10.30) vaje Sachkhand Takht Sri Hazur Sahib Amrit Parchhar hoye ga, sirf ik singh di khatar ussi ess Gurudware di saari maryada thor lage ne... panj singh chaide lekin ussi ik di khatar amrit shakohn li tyar han. Ja hun, kesi ishnaan kar ke, panja kakke naal sajh ke, chitti dastaar bhand ke suche khapre paa ke aajaye, aj sadhe das vaje tenu amrit shaka deyan ge! Ja hun!" Fateh was said and I raised my folded hand at Babaji, the sevadaars and the saad sangat, did matha tekh and went back to the place we were staying to prepare and tell my parents.

The whole sangat gasped in disbelief when the mukh sevadaar said that "for the sake of one singh we are going to break the maryada of this Gurudwara" I too couldn't believe it when this was said. I felt that all my prayers had been answered.

I was blessed and my prayers were answered. I was blessed with Amrit and can still remember each moment whenever I close my eyes. (As it turned out I was not the only one who took Amrit that day)

The details above have been condensed somewhat so that you the readers do not get tired reading this essay of a posting!

All I want to say to that person who wrote the "Dilema" posting is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Guru Maharaj-ji is with you. Your intentions are good and I pray that you stay on the path of sikhi. But you must decide what you want. Keep your kesh and daari and wear a turban. Live your life as if you have taken Amrit. If you can live in that way then taking Amrit would obviously be an ideal next step.

But you must talk to your fiancee and family and explain how you feel and see if they will support you.

It is your decision and yours only. All I want to say is if you have the passion for Gursikhi then Guru Maharaji will match each step you take with a hundred more in your direction.

The only reason I submitted this posting is so that it will give you the fulfillment in realising that you are not on your own. Others have been in the same situation.

May Waheguru bless you with wisdom, strength and courage.

Gurfateh.