Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	Drifting Of Mind/Confused
Category:	Sikh Practices
Date Posted:	Thursday, 6/01/2006 1:22 AM MDT

confused and questioning.

i recently went away to college. before leaving i considered myself to be into sikhi much more than I am now. I strived to do my panj bani deh paath every day and those days which I did not, I felt very guilty and incomplete. I had very strong faith in waheguru and never thought I would even contemplate falling into the temptations of wordly maya. I decided to chak amrit some time ago and before leaving for college followed it closer than I did before. My "religious concious" was a large factor in my life. Sexually, I never masturbated an had never done anything with any girls alothough my very outgoing personality did not personify my dicipline and following of the rehat.

after arriving at college, as I said my ver outgoing personality led me to parties an what not and my circle of friends included no sikhs. this was mostly due to the small amount of sikhs at my university. My practice of sikhi gradually declined as I stopped doing my paath everyday and eventually did not even feel guilty for not doing it. Towards the end of the year I was involved with a girl and did things which i never thought i would have done (i did not have sex but other sexual acts which i didn't think i would have done b4 marrige)At first my concious kicked in and i felt guilty, but just as before, gradually my concious became numb and i did not even feel guilty. I just thought of it as a natural for a guy to find a way to fulfill certain desires. In addition, the pressure of my surrouning setting also began to kick in. I found myself contemplating trying alchol. I was able to withstand the pressures but was surprised to see myself even thinking about drinking. As i said I enjoy going out with my friends to parties and whatnot, but i feel like it is starting to get old because i do not drink and i"m curious about what it taste like and how i would act/feel. I am becoming very tempted to atleast try it and see what its like. Many tell me that i am strong enough in my belives that i am just curious to see how it is and i'll probably not drink after i try it but i'm unsure of myself.

I know you may reccommend not associating with a crowd that draws me into those vices, but i find my personality innatley is one that has an affinity towards such a lifestyle. My practice of sikhi has decreased significantly and the worst part is i'm not feeling AS guilty about it as I feel i should be. I feel i've dramatically changed and am confused.

I know i am curious about a certain lifestyle such as the "college" one that involves me drinking and seeing how it feel to go out and do those things. I know i will restrain from having sex before marrige but feel it is natural for a guy to have to realease, although i still refuse to masturbate.

I'm confused and don't know what is going on with me. My confidants tell me how crucial a time in my life i'm going through because i'm questioning my belifes whcih i am finding i had blind faith in. My level of relgious practice considering I once regarded myself as an Amritdhari sikh has reduced.

I feel as if i don't comply with the rehat of a sikh, waheuguru will punish me or those close to me whcih in turn wil hurt me. I'm almost scared to explore or see a different lifestyle because of the possible tangible reprcurssions i feel will follow due to my determent off the "right" path. I'm confused and don't know what has happend to me and what i am doing.

whats going on and what does this mean for me?

(REPLY) Sat Nam. What is going on is that your faith is being tested, and when you give in to tempation our of "curiosity" each time it's like painting a black smudge on the inner light of your soul. You are hurting yourself. Wahe Guru always gives us a choice, to either follow the path of light laid down by our Gurus, or to fall off and take a detour that can lead you farther and farther into darkness. Each time you choose maya, it becomes easier and easier to forget your true identity (Sat Nam), and the real purpose of your life, which is to consciously connect with that Truth. Guru Arjan Dev sat on a hot plate for five days and nights, but he never gave in. Blind faith isn't blind at all-- it only means that you keep focused on your inner vision of righteousness. Many "friends" will tell you it doesn't matter, but remember, the path of Dharma is sharper than a razor's edge -- to stay balanced you have to nourish your soul with your banis, and that way avoid the path of Karma -- which only leads to suffering. You may get some temporary pleasure or excitement out of maya -- but wow, you will be left with great regret, guilt, and sorrow for wasting this precious life. God and Guru are ALWAYS WITH YOU, with every breath. Think about taking that drink with Guru Gobind Singh sitting beside you, would you do it? Try chanting Raj Yog Takh Deean shabd to help bring you back to your sadhana. May God bless you, and Guru give you courage and wisdom. SP