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Summary of Question:	Dying Father, Nobody To Give Him Love
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Saturday, 2/22/2003 4:54 PM MST

Hi, great site you got here!

I have a problem. Growing up, me and my brothers and sisters had to face the real world of hard love. Our mother died, and we left in the hands of our irresponsible father. Nor did we get any love form him, but we didn't get a regular childhood as well. My oldest sister had dreams of becoming a doctor, which could have happened because the intelligenece she has, but she couldnt go to any post-secondary institution, because she had to care for us. She couldn't have an after-school job, because she didnt want to leave us alone with our father, who would always have his friends over, not too friendly though. Well, this sister lost her childhood by being a mother to five other kids, and not having any of her dreams come true. My oldest brother, being the oldest boy, wanted to be the mannest man, and followed my dad's footsteps, unfortunately, my dad was in the wrong end of life, and my brother joined him. He didnt even graduate. It was pretty scaring having all these peple over all for the money. Couldnt my brother and dad see the terror in our eyes when a man would walk into the house and stay there till somebody made an agreement? One time a guy held me, and threatened to hurt me, if my dad didnt have the money in his hands anytime soon. My dad didnt seem afraid for my life, the guy was already hurting me, and my dad had nothing to do, but to think about how to get the money. The guy gave an extension. This happened recently. ANyways, my other sister's life is totally messed. She sleeps around with so many guys, and my dad says nothing. She's been raped about 3 times, once by my father's friend. She doesnt even care about anything now, she doesnt listen to me and she tells me to go to hell when i offer to help her. My other brother, got kicked out of the house by our step-mom, and is never allowed to come back. Our step-mom hates us. She doesnt want us around the home, and tells our father lies to get us in trouble. So far, nothing so horrible has happened to me yet, and i thank god for that. My younger brother is doing fine too, but i worry for him. I pray he doesnt turn into the men around our house. Until recently, the guy who came to get some money from my father came again, and left him shot. I was upstairs in the house, and my dad was back in the yard. I heard the shot and ran tot he window and saw my father bleeding. I ran outside as fast as i could and he couldnt breathe. I called the emergency services, and an ambulance came right away. My father could have died if the bullet hit him 1 inch more closer to his heart. I went in the ambulance with him, and when we reached the hospital, the doctor said it is likely he wont make it. I prayed and prayed for him to make it. He was our only parent. Although he didnt provide us with the best of life, we still needed him. He was our father. No matter how worst the person is, arent we supposed to respect our father? He didnt force us to do anything horrible, or atleast me. I prayed so much that night, and when my oldest sister arrived, i just broke out into tears, and she asked me why? She wanted to know why i was praying for a guy with such bad morals. He's our father is all i could say. Then, the doctors let us see him. When i saw him, he was suffering to live, he hadnt opened his eyes yet. I went over to hold his hand, and told him i loved him. He held my hand tighter, this was the first sign of love he had ever showed me. I could tell he needed me. The next day, the doctors saw improvement. The week after he opened his eyes, and smiled at me. I felt loved. My sister doesnt want me to see him anymore. She said he'll just use me to make him better, whatever thats supposed to mean. I told ehr he needs some love, he never got any before. Its been one week and she wont let me see him, but he wants to see me. Is it wrong to return one's love when he hasnt given you any? Will it be ok for me to be fair with my father? Why wont my sister let me have the father I need? He needs me, and he needs my love and support to make i

t out of the hospital. What do you think? Should i continue to give my father the love he needs to go on, or let him suffer like we did in the past? I will except any responses....

(REPLY)

Sat Nam. You have a kind heart, God bless you! Yes, you should continue to give your father your love, whether he deserves it or not. Your kindness may even have some effect on changing him, but even if not, you have done the right thing, and acted in a saintly way. Just try to avoid any of his "friends" and protect yourself as much as possible. I hope that you will be able to keep your values, and grow up to succeed in life on your own, without depending on the family that has not supported you children. May God and Guru bless you always, in all ways, SP