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Summary of Question:	Just Wanted To Share
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Friday, 2/21/2003 1:28 PM MST

Sat Sri Akal to everyone. Well, don't know where to start. I am 26 yrs old. Engaged and will be gettin married soon. Do I love this person I will marry...Yes (I think so)...but I have past, which sometime bothers me or make me feel like I don't deserve her or happy future....About 5(+-)years ago...I met someone...A very sweet, nice girl...we became good friends.....I start dreamign about spending rest of my life with her....I told her my feelings...and left it at that....She didn't say anything...but after six months...she was leaving for INDIA, just to visit...and the day she left...she called me and cried....I asked her where...and she told me that...this is first time, she felt something in her heart...and she doesn't want to be away from me...and she loved me, I was happy to hear that, but sad well, because she was going to india for close to 3 months...so we said our goodbye and with promise to talk about everything when she gets back....3 months passed by...I emailed her everyday (even tho I knew, she wouldn't get it in india)... but wanted to sahre everyday with her...She came back....we talked about our love, how we felt about eachother...dreaming about future....BUT we made this promise to eachother that our families come first....If either of our families objected to our marriage, we will not expect eachother to disobey parents......There were time, when we wanted to be with eachother..hold eachother...but we didn't, because we would do so behind our parents back and our love was much more pure than that...we shouldn't do anything, that we would regret later on...so we talked, wrote to eachother...but never ever had any type of physical contact....We believed in our love so strong.....following year she went to india again....for 3 months...(they did every year)....Being away for so long and no contact at all....Even tho I was sad, but at same time, I was thinking this is a test of love.....Even tho we were apart, Our love stayed strong....I never ever thought about anyone else...except her......Life was good, I was happy and so was she....but deep in our minds, we were scared...scared of future...always wondering what does future hold for us...will we be together forever?......and then....somethign happend....she went to india next year again...and her mom got her engaged....(she didn't tell me that on her return)...But I felt something different....Our conversations slowly died down...She would never talk about future..or even shared dreams with me....as she did before....deep down in my heart I was afraid ...afraid of truth...but too scared to ask her...But still believed that there is future for both of us....and then when my dad came to me...he asked me Is it okay if they find me someone or have I promised someone...I asked him to give me few days to decided...So, I asked her that If she is ready for final fight of our love...Should I tell my parents about her....and that day she broke down and told me what had happend in india...and she is engaged now....she wrote all this in an email.....I sat there read it over and over....I cried....felt like smashing my head against walls....but i was surprised that i wasn't mad at her ..not at all....i still had love and respect for her...which I still do.....I knew it was over..because we had promised to never ask eachother to go against our parents wishes....our love was based on respect.....I respected her wishes...So, I wrote her back.....wishing her best of luck in the future...and with prayers to god to her all the love and joy, that world has to offer...I told my parents that they may do as they wish....We talked a while after that.....but we knew we shouldn't because it wasn't good for her future or mine....we wrote to eachother.....everytime I wrote to her..i always wrote "This is my last email"...but it never was....Just couldn't help it...Kept on sharing my feelings with her...like I had for last so many years...but I knew this was end.......I had so many things of hers...gifts/pictures and I held on them dearly.....Couldn't bring myself to throw them away

.....because thats all I had......my friends kept on telling me to get rid of those items...but I couldn't......mean time My parents found someone for me...ther introduced us......I kept on wondering Do I deserve to be loved my anyone anymore....Would I ever be able to say "I LOVE YOU " and also mean it.....I met her....looked at her face...she seemed so sweet and loving....I talked to her about my family...and how is our lifestyle..and If it somewhat what she had dreamed off....( I always said that everyone in this world is worthy of love and is loveable....so I promised myself that the first girl I meet...I will say yes and let it be her decision to be with me or not).....well she said YES.......So we got engaged....but It kept bothering me that there is something I am hiding about my past...I haven't told her about my past love.....well one day while talking to her on phone...I told her everything.....She was upset for 3/4 days......I kenw I was at fault.... I have no right to ask her to marry me...So I told her....it is upto her...If she doesn't wish to be with me...thats okay...It is my fault and I probably don't even deserve her love......She thought about it...and slowly..she felt that it is good that i told her....before someone else did...well, we started talking again....I was able to win her love....I promised myself...that I will give her the khushian and love......but still I feel bad...bad that she deserve better...But she still chooose to be with me.....I always pray to waheguru to give me strenght so that i can provide her with love, joy and comfort.....I will be getting married to her soon......Sometime I wonder, deep down in her heart...does she still think abotu my past...I probably still bothers her...but she doesn't say anything.......I blame myself for giving her that pain....Will she be able to forget all that or will it keep bothering her for rest of her life....

My question for female readers.......What do you think, Will she be able to forget my past or will It keep bothering her?....I do know onething that I will give her all my love...and try to be the best i can be.....But still wonder, Do I even deserved to be loved by her?....

Don't know what to think or do.......I have scared my life forever.....and maybe even hers......

I feel like I have commited a un-forgiveable crime.......soemtime I wish I had died....

just wanted to share with all of you.....in a hope that this would help me relieve some pain
(REPLY) Sat Nam. I think you have suffered long enough, and you need to realize that you have done nothing wrong, and get on with your life. Of course your future wife will forgive and forget --IF YOU DO! One of the glorious wonderful things about the Anand Karaj is that it is not just a ritual wedding ceremony, but like taking Amrit, it is an opportunity to put the past behind, and start with a bright new future! Really! You sound like an truly honorable man, good to your word, so when you make those rounds, and pledge to be as two bodies with one soul, I know you will do so wholeheartedly. Forget the past (and do NOT contact your former girl friend again -- that is most important. It's over, and there's no real harm done except in your feeling of guilt, which is unnecessary) Start your new life with a partner who accepts you for who you are, for the fact that you are honest, and just don't refer to the former relationship at all. Women have a great capacity for forgiveness, and acceptance, and if you sincerely are willing to love and be loved (and yes, you deserve to be loved!) it will be a success. May God and Guru bless you in all ways. SP