Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	Last Name Come In The Way Of Marriage?
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Saturday, 12/14/2002 10:30 PM MST

Hi. I have been reading this forum for quite a while now. And i have to say, that if i ever have a problem I would rather turn to sikhnet than any of my friends. I have a problem, that is regarding my relationship with my boyfriend. We have a great relationship, and he is everything that I would want in a future husband. And I am sure that my parents would accept him. The problem is our last names. His last name is Shergill, and my mom's maiden name is Gill. I want to know if they are the same in any way? Even though Sikhs are supposed to use Singh and Kaur, some people, like his parents and my parents still use their actual last names. I dont want to go on with the relationship if they are the same, because I know for sure that our parents would not accept us in a relationship if the last names are the same, and even if they do, i know that our punjabi society would not accept us with respect. Can you please tell me if they are the same or not? Thank you VERY much.

**********
REPLY
*********
Sat Siri AKaal. I realize a lot of Sikhs still use family names (last names). Gill and Shergill, are not, as far as I can tell, directly related. They should NOT come in the way. Perhaps a reader out there might be able to shed some light on this.

Each of you should ask both your and his parents to see if they know any Shergills or Gills in either family line. This can be an innocent question without telling either parents WHY you are asking. You would want to find out where your boyfriend's family is from in Punjab, and presumably, if your family trees are from completely different villages, then you are not related. What have come down as family names in Punjab are often sub-caste affiliations, rather than clan/blood affiliations, although this is not the situation 100%. You might be able to search this on the web by searching caste and geneaology to see if the origins of the family names in Indian culture has been explained.

Finally, I might add, you should consider using a last name that is none of the above, such as Singh (as a married woman you would be XXXX Kaur Singh) or Khalsa. Then you don't have to deal with Punjabi cultural concerns or gossip about your similar family names.
Guru ang sang,
-DKK