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Summary of Question:	Regarding Jatt And Tharkan Story
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Sunday, 9/09/2001 10:35 PM MDT

Sat Sri Akal,

I just vist your site and was very impress by the above subject "JATT AND
THARKAN STORY"

I am a also Jatt but what this person state in his email was 100% correct and
I truly agree that Jatt are very narrow minded and they are much lower then
anyone in this world. "Rich" Yes they might be but not from the heart.

They treat the daugther and daughter in law like they have no value but they treat their own daughters like diamonds. This is what Jatt do.

Why they are narrow minded I have choose my boyfreind myself we are now engaged
but before the engagement what I have pass through was also a story to tell
that what Jatt think themselves are. My fian'cee is also a Jatt the only
problem was that He is not from Amritsar that's all he is from Malwa that make
both our parent's diagree. I think you will be shock why becuase they say
Jatt from Amritsar are far more rich then the Jatt from Malwa. Do you think that is a big Nonesence I agree that is rubbish.

But I think they have no brain and no understanding at all from the point I get
to understand that out of 100 there is hardly 10 Punjabi who have good sense of
humor and are understable they rest really care of the past generation like
our grandparents. Why young children run away from homes and get married because the parents never agree with them. Some kid even commit suidice for
their mates all this is create by their parents at last whom their parents will
blame their patners that they have create such situation. Remember Every Punjabi
Father and Mother that you yourself are creating problems for your own kids.

Second thing I would really like to consider here is why in Sikh Community there
is a regulation that a Dauther is law could never be their own daughther. Even
the Daugther in Law gave her blood out for her in law but they could never understand her becuase they think she is someelse blood right. Think if your
own daugther is treated in the same what will your feeling be? By the way I would really want to ask all the Punjabi Mother in Law in this world weren't you a Daugther in Law once upon a time too can't you understand the feeling. No! you women could not! Ashame to this women who is create to be a women could not understand the other Women.

Thirdly, I would also want to know when a boy and girls wedding is arranged why the girls side should look down then the boy's side why becuause he is a boy
and she is girl's parents. The girls parents have to walk like a dog in the wedding and the boy's parents walk like King in the wedding.

I think Sikh people are creating nonsense things this is not written in the Shiri Guru Granth Sahib that a daughter in law cannot he think as their own dauther. The Bridegroom & his family shall be treated like Princes, Rich and Poor this stuff are not written by our Guru. This things are all made my Sikh Communtiy people and they are aboustely nonesence and rubbish for other to follow the same.

Please have a breif reading on the Shri Guri Granth Sahib that will really be
useful for such kind of people

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REPLY
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Sat Siri Akaal Ji.

I am posting this not because I agree with your accusations about Jats. Bhagat Kabeer Ji tells us that when we criticize another we criticize the Creator, for we are all of us molded from the same clay. ("Aval Aaalah Noor Upa-i-ya" shabd).

As far as I am concerned, no Sikh should be treated as less than another, this goes for treatment of Sikh women regarding marriage. The practices you describe above are NOT PART OF SIKHI but are Punjabi, if not fully Indian (that is, practiced throughout India, regardless of one's faith). Women are fundamentally regarded as second-class citizens in India and in Indian societies outside of India, Sikh or Hindu or Muslim. Guru Nanak reminds us that we must treat women with full respect for out of their wombs are born kings, gurus, and saints.

So, if a woman chooses to put up with such practices you describe, then she allows them to perpetuate. The way to stop it is for courageous young Indian and Sikh Indian women to say NO. To say no to abuse from mothers in law (who treat their daughters in law as THEY were once treated). To say NO to looking to the groom and his family, and to say no to walking like vanquished enemies, rather than walking with royal courage and dignity of a Kaur of the Guru. This saying No will not be easy, for it will cause minor upheavals in Indian families and societies. It means risking the wrath of family.

Another way is for Mothers and Mothers-in-law of Indian and Sikh Indian daughters everywhere to say NO to the practices you described. To say my daughter/daughter-in-law is EQUAL to my son/son-in-law and will not be treated as second class. They too, can choose NOT to observe the centuries old custom of treating women as second class in the business of marriage.

I know this is revolutionary, but I have seen what you describe (I am not of Indian heritage or culture) and I am appalled by it. Guru did not make us Sikhs only to have us marry as spineless tools of our fathers and husbands and mothers-in-law. It is up to the Kaurs of the Sikh faith to acknowledge and insist on their rightful equality of treatment in all aspects of daily life.

Guru ang sang,
DKK