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Summary of Question:	My Wife's Sisters Married Non-Sikhs- My Confused Kids
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Saturday, 3/29/2008 12:13 PM MDT

I am a Sikh man in my 30's and have been married to my beautiful wife for about 9 years now. We have been fortunate to be blessed with three wonderful children. I am a CEO of a company, and my wife is a mechanical engineer. Our children are being raised as Sikhs, just like my wife and I were raised.

My wife has 3 Sikh sisters, and all 3 sisters are married to non-Sikhs- 1 to a caucasian, 1 to a greek, and 1 to a hindu. All of them have children of their own, but none of the children are being raised as Sikhs.

I am not here to judge anyone or decisions they have made in life. I am here to voice an opinion, and to hear people's thoughts/comments, and how to best handle the situation. I am a very religious individual, who believes very deeply in the roots and teachings of the Sikh faith and the Sikh way of life. My children are not old enough to fully understand the situation and question it critically. But what happens when they start asking, "Why did massi marry a non-Sikh? Didn't you tell me we should try to marry within our Sikh religion? Why do my cousins not keep their hair?" And my biggest worry of all, is that b/c my wife's sister's kids do not keep their hair, they will influence my kids, and I do not want that, b/c I would like my kids to keep their hair and remain Sikhs. Obviously, as a parent, I will do my job to raise them to the best of my abilities, and tell them the meaning of why we do what we do. But how does one respond to a child saying, "Why doesn't my cousin keep his/her hair?", without disrespecting anyone and still saying it in a way that will teach my children the Sikh way?

There is no doubt, that since my sister in laws have been married, I have distanced myself from them on some level or at least been hesistant to meet them from time to time, b/c personally I don't agree with their choices they have made in marrying non-Sikhs. I dont want to be hesistant towards them, but I feel like I can't help it. I will of course still be very civil and polite to them, but beyond that, I don't see us having anything in common due to the huge influence that Sikhism plays in my life, and how it barely plays a role in their lives. There is also very little to relate to between me and my brother in laws, b/c our culture is so very different then theirs. Let me make myself more clear. I do not have a problem with my sister in laws or husbands, individually as people, by themselves. But it's hard for me to see them both together, b/c I was taught to marry within our religion. To me, my sister in laws have violated that rule.

This personal situation of mine really makes me think- How will Sikhism spread if people are marrying outside the religion? How will Guru Nanak Dev Ji's message and teachings be passed on in 100 years after we are all gone, and everyone is marrying non-Sikhs? Won't the religion eventually die in this country? It's very upsetting also to know that Guru Gobind Singh Ji Maharaj, his sons the Sahibzada Ji's, at such a young age, gave up their lives to fight for the religion, and for what WE have today, yet its so easy to take a child today and not raise them as a Sikh? It definitely then seems like we are disrespecting our ancestors, Guru Ji's and all that our family and relatives fought for and taught us, and this is how we are repaying them? By becoming so lenient, as to interpret the religion to fit our current lifestyle or to only believe in it when its convienient? Please don't get me wrong, I grew up in America too, I know its hard, I was the only sardar in my school from elementary school through graduate school- and I am no stranger to getting made fun of, and it's only gotten worse since 9/11 with "OSAMA" like comments. It's horrible that most people don't even know who Sikhs are, and at this rate, people won't need to know, b/c in 100 years Sikhism will be extinct after all the inter-religious marriages have produced children that are not Sikhs.

I'm very affraid for Sikhi, for my family, and for my own peace of mind. It just seems like there is no answer anywhere I look. I don't know what to do, I'm lost when it comes to this, and frankly feeling quite empty. Please offer your comments and advise. I am very grateful for your help and any words of wisdom. Guru Rakha to all.

-Devpreet Singh

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Davpreet Singh. All you can do is be the best Sikh you know how, which includes compassion,kindness and tolerance to all. Give your children the values and appreciation of being Sikhi. Live those values yourself. If your children see your hypocracy, that will drive them away more than anything. Give them pride and joy of being Sikhi. Make it exciting, meaningful, fun and practical. Send them to fun Sikh camps, etc. At the end of the day, they will have to make their own decisions. Something for you to ponder. Are you going to distance yourself from one of your own children if they decide to change their Sikh form? Isn't that the message you are giving them now by distancing your self from your own siblings? Aren't we the people of love and tolerance? Isn't that what the Guru says? Aren't you being hypocritical by judging your siblings and distancing your self...aren't you coming from a place of fear? Is that what you want to teach your children? Be proud and joyful for being a Sikh and your children will "catch" that attitude. We all have our own karmas, though, one of your children may not have the karma to live the form...that does not make them a bad person. Give them the values to take with them no matter what form they choose. Blessings, JJK