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Summary of Question:	Wrongful Love
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 6/19/2002 12:02 AM MDT

ok, before i ask my question im going to tell you that i am a white, american, teenager, i have a sort of problem, i met a sikh girl about 4 years ago and feel inlove with her. she says she feels the same way for me but she claims that her father would not agree with this since he is a traditional sikh. she has told me that he wants her to marry in her culture. i want to take her hand in marrage eventually and be accepted into her family and i want to do so with the respect of her father. it seems he is fond of me but is there anything i could do to show him how i feel for her and let him accept me. i am very interested in your culture and find myself in more of a comfortable state when i am with people of your culture than that of my own. so is there any chance i would end up with her only with her fathers permission? and if so how would i go about gaining his permission?

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Sat Siri Akal.

Wow. You do have an interesting situation. So-there are lots of different issues here. First-you are a teenager and she is a teenager. I know that your feelings for her are very strong and seem to you that they may last forever. But really-are you ready to think about a life-long commitment like marriage? Are you ready to spend the next 60 years with this woman? Be very sure about what it is you want before you proceed.

Second-there is the issue of the father and the culture. The most honorable thing to do would be to speak directly to her father, when you are sure that you are ready to make that step. If the girl allows it, approach the father and be very straight and very committed about it. "Sir. I love your daughter. I wish to marry her. Please let me know what I need to do in order to secure your blessing." And then listen to what he has to say. Find out from him what he would need to see from you in order for him to bless a marriage between you and his daughter. If you approach it respectfully, he will see the honor behind your intentions.

It won't be easy, nor is there any guarantee of success. But being forthright in your communication, being willing to listen to her parents and work with them- all of these may give you a chance to marry her. What may win them over, in the end, is your steadiness towards their daughter. It's not about passion and impulse. It's about you being steady and non-reactive, and willing to keep trying to work out a solution. This will test your character, but having your character tested is not necessarily a terrible thing. :)

I hope this is helpful and good luck to you both. God bless.

GPK