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Summary of Question:	Crush On A Guy...
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Thursday, 10/30/2008 2:13 PM MDT

i am an amritdhari since i was in grade 6. I am in college right now...I am a really confused amritdhari...i have always been surrounded with friends who cut their hair...i LOVE going to the gurdwara and doing sewa.Something that really disturbs me is that there are some girls that cut their hair and are MODERN, they do really well in life. I was the first one to take amrit in my entire family. I went to a gurmat camp and it affected me so much that i had to take amrit. My mom also took amrit with me and slowly my dad started tying a dastaar too.I am very thankful for this. Now, i am not living with my parents right now as i am living in Canada with my relatives. I never wake up at amritvela to do my path. I have no excuse for tha except that my relatives do not ever do path and whenever we go to the gurdwara, they just do to the darbaar sahib, eat langar and come home. I feel really bad because when i was with my parents, we used to go to the gurdwara for every single program we could and me and my brother used to do gatka. So, HATS OFF to my parents for connecting me to my religion. I have been here for a year and my relatives keep putting me down by saying, "what kind of amritdhari are you who never does her path"? That just brings me down. I also have a huge crush on a punjabi guy in my college. I understand that i am not supposed to but i just can't stop. I made a decision today to stop wasting my energy and time on a guy who is not even a GURSIKH. As i have read your advice from other questions, it hurts to 'love' someone and that is exactly how i feel. But, i really want to connect back to sikhism. I went to a kaurs united camp here and those 4 days of my life were the BEST! I would come home after the camp everyday and just feel that i was the happiest person alive, i could take all sort of somments and nothing would make me angry. I was very pleasent and on cloud 9. I can still remember the feeling i had then. I want that back so bad.. Please help me out and advice me regarding my CONFUSING life...PS: i look at like every guy possible and can't stop myself from looking at guys when they walk into the gurdwara or even in school...WHAT SHOULD I DO?

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Reply
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Dear one,

Stop beating yourself up. Where is your support group; your peers of Sadh Sangat? Good that you recognize that you are failing.
1. Ask your host family to sit with you and do the nitnem. You can blame the people around you for your lack of discipline, of course that is natural. Yet you being Amritdaree are the leader. Be a leader to your own self and tell your mind to stop goofing off in all these areas. Use the Bani Of Jaap Sahib to get your mind out of the negative and into the positive bliss. You have it, USE IT!

2. You could utilise a support group of Amrit Dhari's to inspire together.
For starters please see the SGGS and God as your Beloved, your true friend. To look at guys and let your emotions and hormones fly out is up to you to control. Channel your emotion into deep devotion. Cry and complain and pray with the Shabd "Mera Man Loche Gur darshan Taa-ee..............". Learn it and understand the depth of love that it expresses for the Guru. Then understand that this is true for you. You love this path and it has done so much for you.

3. If you must, move out of your relatives house to be with Amritdhari female roomate. Alternative is to exercise your will to detach from your passions.

4. When are you getting engaged and married? Perhaps it is time to allow this process to start.

Blessings,

Sk