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Summary of Question:	Please Help
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Sunday, 2/22/2004 3:11 PM MST

hello,

my names gurprit kaur and i have a serious problem, which is getting worse everytime....i suffer from extremely low self esteem. Ive read your other comments but they didnt seem to help so i thought i would ask you personally, hope you dont mind.
Ive always felt like this, its more what people say than what they dont or its certain things they say to u to make you feel ugly. Its got so bad that it really gets to me and i cry quite alot. I dont even feel like going out anywhere. I know its stupid. I feel so bad because god makes everyone in his form and everything he has created is beautiful....but i dont feel like that. Then i feel even more guilty because im thinking about me me me, when guruji should be on my mind. Its like no matter what i do, no matter what clothes i wear, i dont seem to like nice in anything. All this guilt, feeling bad and my crap self esteem, really depresses me. i pray to guruji all the time. Also sometimes i feel so alone. I had to go through alot of trauma throughout my life, which i accept is how my life was suppose to be so im not bitter about that. Certain things i felt that i had to learn the hard and have been alone in trying to fight my demons, whilst everyone else got it easy. I just cant snap out of it! Sometimes i will feel ok, but it creeps up on me again. My mind, saying 'your ugly, your ugly'. This one family member of mine always says things to make me feel ugly. But this person is really honest, and will tell you the truth about yourself....so basically im ugly.Everyone always tells me how everyone around them is so pretty, but me.....they wont say nothing. Im so sorry for this being so long, i really had no-one to talk to.

please help.............im begging you! ive called upon god many times, i know hes listening, but nothings happening...............

(REPLY) Sat Nam. I'm sorry to hear about how bad you feel. There's only one solution, and that has to come from within you, from your determination to stop feeling sorry for yourself. There are things you can do to help, which might include spending some time doing charity work in a hospital, or volunteering where there are blind or crippled people, so that you can see there are other people in the world in much worse condition that yourself! You know, the body is not YOU! (Neither is the Mind) Your soul is perfect, beautiful, and divine. You are just not relating to it, you are letting the maya, the illusion of the physical world be your total reality, and that is missing the purpose of life. I suggest that you recite JAAP Sahib every day, to give you that self-esteem and courage that you deserve. I don't care how "Ugly" you think you are, or what anyone says about you, it is YOUR CHOICE to feel bad about yourself, --- or not. If you are suffering from clinical depression, then that's a medical condition, and requires medical attention. But in any event, read JAAP SAHIB, by Guru Gobind Singh Ji. Develop a sense of human, be very kind to EVERYONE, and see if you can find one person every day for whom you can do a good deed. Stop focusing on how you FEEL. Feelings are temporary, and they are habits. In order to change a habit, you have to replace it with a different habit. Use positive affirmation, telling yourself that you are "Bountiful, blissful, and beautiful." Your subconscious mind will believe whatever you tell it! Stop telling yourself that you are ugly. That is an insult to the God who created you. My very best wishes and blessings for your success! SP